Let us go then, you and I...

So I'm at church last Sunday...uh oh, it was so hectic and crazy mid-December, it turns out I'd forgotten to sign one of the paycheques so the woman's bank returned it as non-negotiable. And at this time of year too when the holiday bills come rolling in. (I'm treasurer for my pastoral charge...a pastoral charge is the level above individual churches and the level below presbytery...confused? Don't feel bad, the structure of the United Church of Canada is a mystery to me too!)

Anyway, the woman whose cheque I hadn't signed was (understandably) unhappy, but the worst part was that she thought I'd known since mid-week and had just been ignoring her. It turned out she'd sent her email to my old email address, so I didn't receive it. We have sorted out and all's well now, but at the time I felt horrible! (And kind of wishing it had been Valerie's cheque I'd forgotten to sign because she would have picked up the phone and called, so we wouldn't have had the email issue compounding the problem!) Anyway, I came home and broke into tears because I felt so bad - I'm way too hard on myself! I then threw a hissy fit about how I can't get anything done in our teeny cramped computer room, I have no room to spread out my files, and how the heck can I continue as treasurer with no decent place to work.Iin short, I was in a tizzy.

Ever cool headed, Dave lets me rant for a bit and then says what if you had a laptop and wireless internet? Oh I pause mid-tantrum, envisioning myself with files spread out on my 8 foot dining room table...that would be perfect. I feel almost anticlimactic with such an obvious and simple solution.

Off we go to Futureshop...naturally they had no stock left of the Toshiba which was front and centre on their website at $400 off. But they did have a Compaq Presario C700 for $350 off - works for me! We were the salesman's dream come true...we walk out in about 15 minutes with a laptop, wireless router, HP office jet printer, and wireless mouse.

I love this rig!! At least I will...just as soon as I master this weird Canadian International Multilanguage keyboard. This board's got so many symbols on it, I could type just about every language going, including Maltese apparently (or at least I could if I knew Maltese...).

Yes Virginia, something good CAN come out of a hissy fit (and a patient spouse doesn't hurt either)...now I just have to pray I don't mess up the paycheques again...so hard to get good volunteers these days... :)

I've started a new category for my "church-ish" posts. Church (unexpectedly) has become a large part of my life over the past few years. I love our minister, I enjoy being a member of a great congregational community, and most recently, belonging to our church choir. (A minor downside was "volunteering" to be Central Treasurer...when the minister asks a favour and says give it prayerful consideration before giving her your answer...who can say no? But that's another story...)

I didn't attend church growing up, although was baptised as a baby in the United Church of Canada , which is the church I was drawn back to as an adult. It just seems to fit my spiritual quest and my own sense of social justice. UCC is open and progressive, a very positive place...there is no fire and brimstone anywhere in sight. (I don't even think our minister believes in Hell.) The path of my own church seems to be more about growing the inner light within, and seeking and promoting justice and equality in the world. The old "be a better person" routine...which is much easier said than done. I find that, although I don't necessarily need to attend church to stay in touch with my inner spirit, I usually feel rejuvenated and inspired by Rev. Valerie's musings each week ("sermon" often seems too formal a word for the thoughts she shares with us). And I feel somehow energized just by being in my church's sanctuary and surrounded by my church family.

We are not alone. We live in God's world.

PS - come back on Feb 14 to "meet" my minister...

I should add that I have no intentions of trying to convert anyone - to each her own and all that. It is just where I will post my thoughts on matters spiritual to me - my own personal faith journal, after a fashion. As for having a separate category...well, I'm not sure why I want to keep these thoughts separate, perhaps simply to facilitate deletion in case I decide it's too much to share!

A lot of the posts will likely end up talking about music that inspires me somehow...I am frequently moved by a meaningful lyric, and love to sing, although will not be asked to sing a solo anytime soon! (Not that I'm a terrible singer, but certainly don't have the technical ability our choir director seems to be looking for in a soloist.)

(Updated June/08: Well, it turns out I was asked to sing a solo - much to my surprise, it was a success!)

Blurb from "Jesus Walks" (Kanye West)

"They say you can rap about anything except for Jesus
That means guns, sex, lies, video tapes
But if I talk about God my record won't get played Huh?"

Most of the Christians I know (myself included) are quite repressed when it comes to proclaiming our faith from the rooftops. We don't necessarily want to be seen as enthusiastic followers of Christ: Christians yes, but "Lovers of Jesus"? Hmm...that smacks a little too much of rabid, born again evangelism...we collectively shudder in our polite, moderate congregations.

I think that reluctance to actively and visibly walk in the path of Jesus is certainly one of the reasons why, as Kanye writes, songs about God do not get much radio play...unless, of course, the songwriters happen to be U2!

I've been a huge U2 fan for years...my ears perked up at 1980's "I Will Follow", and when I heard "New Year's Day" a year or so later, I was hooked on this band. When The Joshua Tree album came out in 1987, I vaguely noticed the biblical references in the title and a few songs. But it was not until hearing the Rattle & Hum album a couple years later that I really tuned into the spiritual themes running rampant through so many of U2's lyrics.

I LOVE this song, and although I have no idea who the poster of this video is, but I echo her comment about this video. I too "hope my children lead a life uncommon".

I know my hope is rooted in reality. My heart swells with pride in my daughters and how they embody the spirit of this song:

"Lend out voices only to sounds of freedom
No longer lent out strength to that which we with to be free from
Fill you lives with love and bravery
And we shall lead a life uncommon"

V...is for Valentine's Day
V...is for Valerie

Valentine's Day is Valerie's birthday.

V...is also the third letter in the word loVe - which was angie's suggested topic for today.

So what better day to write about my minister, the lovely and talented Reverend Valerie?!

Show of hands: who would go to church more often if the minister was a vivacious, enthusiastic, soulful woman with the ability to make Scripture relevant? Well come along to my church then 'cause my Reverend ROCKS!!

Here she is front and centre with the kids for children's time (I didn't take the photo, but it just so happens that's my daughter's head mid-photo peeking around Valerie's shoulder)

Part of Valerie's irresistible appeal is that she usually seems to be speaking straight from her heart; she rarely refers to any written notes. For example: one Sunday she was speaking about tolerance and acceptance of others. At one point, she told us how she was driving to church that morning telling her teenage daughter to be careful in choosing friends and not to get in with the wrong crowd. Then she says "that's when Jesus smacked me upside the head and said you're doing exactly the opposite of what you're going to stand up and preach about in church this morning"...in full Newfie accent (which almost always breaks through when she's animated).

And she really shakes things up from time to time. I've come to believe she'll try anything once. For example, the time our Sunday service turned into a cheerleading session...

In the opening pages of Christopher Moore's novel "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Friend", is this quote attributed to Voltaire:
"God is a comedian playing to an audience that is afraid to laugh"

(Minor point of clarification: according to Wiki, the quote is misattributed to Voltaire, but was actually by H. L. Mencken: "Creator - A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh")

In any case, it's a great quote - I see no reason why prayer must preclude humour. It seems acceptable to worship while in tears, why not also in the presence of laughter? Humour can bring people together, and brighten a dark day. To adapt a line from Bono (ref the Rattle and Hum CD): the God I believe in isn't short of laughs, mister! Humour - respectful humour, that is - can be a terrific way to diffuse a tense or awkward situation.

I highly recommend "Lamb..." to anyone open to an hilarious - yet through the profanity and goofiness, oddly sensitive - tale of the life of Jesus. I just lent it to Rev. Valerie and am most curious to know if she, as a member of the clergy, will find it as funny as did my daughter and I.

I never realized how many songs I knew by The Hooters until we got their compilation CD Hooterization: A Retrospective (which we found in the bargain bin at the Superstore). I did, however, know they sang All You Zombies, which is a song I have loved since its release in the (early?) 80's. But in my younger days, I just tuned into the chorus and the music, and never really "heard" the words. After I grow into my faith, I take more note of how very many spiritual and/or biblical references there are in the literature and music of our culture. So, now, I still love the music, but have a deeper appreciation for the lyrics. (For some reason, youtube has disabled embedding on this video, so click on the song title above to have a listen if you like.)

According to Songfacts:
"This was written by Rob Hyman and Eric Bazilian, who founded The Hooters. It is filled with biblical images and created some controversy. Said Hyman, "I think the spirituality of it wasn't premeditated. I think everyone is a spiritual person in whatever they believe or not. There was no real agenda on our part. I know it got banned on several stations, which interested us - there were some Christian stations that refused to play it. There were articles - we never understood the controversy that much, but it stimulated activity. For a writer, that's the best thing you can do."

Over the past few years, I have come to love Palm Sunday. I love the fun and excitement when the kids are parading around the sanctuary with their palm leaves. I love the sense of throwing my lot in with Jesus - if I'd been around when he arrived in Jerusalem, I would definitely have jumped on his bandwagon! (or so I like to think...) And I love the anticipation of the upcoming Holy Week.

I also love this fresco, in the Scrovegni Chapel, of Jesus' entry into Jerusalem, by Giotto (although alas, I have not yet been to Padua to see it in person):

I have loved this musical since seeing it performed by a touring company at the Rebecca Cohn Auditorium in Halifax in the late seventies. After watching the movie a bunch on times on TV, I finally bought the DVD last year, although had already memorized the entire thing from listening to the CD over and over. If there is anyone left who has not yet seen this movie, I highly recommend it, even if you are not religious. (The hilarious Herod scene alone is worth the price of admission for any non-religious viewers!!) The costumes and language are oh so early seventies, but somehow don't come across as foolish, the movie still holds its power.

The movie was being shown in church this evening...I had really wanted to go, but we ended up staying home and watching our copy. Mostly because we were all so tired, and I have a splitting headache (going on for three days now...blech!) Also I don't like crying in public (this movie always brings on the tears) because oh man, I am not a pretty weeper - I get all blotchy, I make loud noises, my nose gets red, etc. And finally, I have a hard time refraining from singing along since I know the words to all the songs - people generally don't like the person sitting next to them to be drowning out the movie!

Here's a youtube clip of what is supposedly the 1973 movie trailer:

What a busy Easter weekend!

The Good Friday service was emotional, as usual. I kept my tears at bay, but Ginger succumbed. After the service, Rev. Valerie hugged her for a long time, and told her that the great thing about Good Friday - and all the dark times in our lives - is that Easter Monday always comes. (Valerie knows about Ginger's depression and I was so moved by her compassion, and incredibly impressed by her ability to always find the right words that one needs to hear.)

After this service, Valerie's youngest daughter came home with us. She and Miss Ninja are best friends, so I wasn't surprised when the two of them cooked up a sleepover (or rather two sleepovers, one at our house, the next night at hers.)

It's nice having the girls' friends over for sleepovers, although Dave sometimes finds the commotion a bit hard to take (he has noise issues...) We played the new version of Life last evening. What fun! This is a neatly updated version of the old Game of Life. I love board games, and card games. I used to love outdoor running around games, but haven't as much energy as I did when I was ten! Still love croquet though.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I believe Nelson Mandala quoted the above in his inauguration speech. How moving and profound are these words. It is indeed difficult to let our own light shine.

I often find myself belittling my own talents. I am prone to believing that if I am good at something, it must be so easy that anyone could do it. (Of course that can lead to impatience with those of lesser abilities, my mental dialogue often sounds like this: "argh, how can this person not 'get it', this is child's play for heaven's sake!") But I am getting much better at recognizing my own talents and trying to share them, rather than assuming I have nothing of value to share. We can more easily share our gifts if we acknowledge that we have something worth sharing in the first place!

On a more selfish note, I am also learning to accept a compliment gracefully. I had showed my Valentine entry to Valerie and (after telling me that I can talk about her behind her back anytime I want) she said that she happens to think I'm pretty amazing myself. My normal reaction would be to brush such a compliment off as undeserved, but I am not doing that anymore. I am going to accept the kind words and just feel good about it. Because who am I not be amazing?! And when I feel good about myself, I have more strength and energy to share with others.

Chiocciola's post about Zimbabwe inspired me to read recent new stories this morning and follow the election coverage more closely. The news is not encouraging but I add my prayers for change to the many being said around the world on this day of their election.

The election rigging appears to be so blatant. One wonders how Mugabe can imagine people will believe his claim that he wouldn't be able to sleep if he thought the election was rigged...well he probably doesn't imagine any such thing since it hardly matters who believes him when he has the police, army and prison services on his side.

BBC says:
"Across the country, there were reports of voters not being allowed to cast ballots - either because their names were not on the voters' roll or because they were trying to vote in the wrong ward."

And on this page, they are gathering observations from the voters, such as the following.
1430 GMT Radcliffe, near Kwekwe: Georgina says:
"I went to four different polling stations in the area and my name was not on any of the voters' rolls, even though I checked two weeks ago to make sure, and my name was on the voters' register then.

My grandmother's name was on the roll but she was told she could not vote this time, even though she has voted in all previous elections - she is 78. However, seven members of my family who have all passed away were on the list, including my uncle, who died a week ago and was an MDC member of parliament.

This is very disturbing for us. But we are not the only ones. Out of the four polling stations I went to, I would say half of all the people who turned up were turned away. They still took everyone's names however, including my neighbours.

I was hoping to vote for Morgan Tsvangirai and I am afraid they will attribute my vote to Zanu-PF. The same thing must be happening across the country and it will probably mean another Zanu-PF victory. It's very sad."

The first gift:
...is our minister and friend, Rev. Valerie. She gave so much support to my sister, to me, to our family, through Floyd's illness and death, providing practical advice, or simply giving a hug and sharing stories, whatever was needed. From lifting our spirits with laughter, to contacting the UCW and arranging for meals to arrive, to just being there with loving compassion and her peaceful presence as though she had all the time in the world to spend with us, her strength and comfort was a gift from God.

The second gift:
...is a beautiful prayer shawl. Valerie was leaving the hospital one day, when she pulled two prayer shawls out of her bag and wrapped them around our shoulders, saying "May you always feel the arms of God around you". These shawls are made by the women of a local prayer ministry, who knit (or crochet) them while praying thoughts of healing and comfort. The miraculous feeling of peace and comfort that comes from wearing my prayer shawl is another amazing gift from God.

The spirit moved me to go to the ocean yesterday...I packed a picnic lunch and a book (Donna Leon's Doctored Evidence) and headed off to Chebucto Head.

I have been going out to this place since I was about 17. It is one of my absolute favourite spots in all the world...my soul finds peace here on the rocks, as I inhale the salt air and listen to the roar and shush of the ocean.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."
(Philippians 4:7)

"May God, who clothes creation in love mend each rift and strengthen each seam, that threads of hope and strands of healing may be woven wherever we journey."
(Rev. Valerie)

Here are some of the photos I took...

Funny how much a song's meaning can be affected by mood or thought. I'd always thought of Faith Hill's That's How Love Moves as a typical romantic love song...and judging from the youtube videos, so does everyone else. In fact I couldn't find one that didn't have a cheesy soap opera romance going on in the background, hence the following audio link only.

Ah, but today I was listening with different ears. Today, this sounded like a love song to God.

This morning, I'd reread Rev. Valerie's weekly email to the congregation in which she spoke of the Spirit being like the wind:

Sometimes the Spirit’s presence is like a hurricane, at other times a soft gentle breeze but always it touches us in some way that changes our reality.

With that in mind, I was listening to these lyrics, and it struck me that the Spirit is also much "like a river running through you". It can be strong enough to carry you through the rapids, other times is so calm that you can see yourself reflected in it. The rest of the lyrics fit too. It can definitely feel like "the miracle that makes me everything I am". The Spirit's presence can also feel like "the voice of love calling, without making a sound", it can "consume you", can be "a whisper" or "a storm". "Sometimes it lifts you high as Heaven"...

Listening with ears and heart open to the presence of God, this song took on a whole new meaning for me.

The words, especially the first verse, also remind me of two people who helped me to open my heart to the Spirit. When I started attending church few years ago, I was by and large surrounded by people who thought of church as an obligation, a tedious experience to be endured only when necessary. (One friend was once ridiculing "church geeks" - you know, those weirdos who sit up front, bopping along to the music, actually enjoying the service...er, that would be me!) Not the easiest atmosphere in which to embark on a journey of faith. I am blessed to have encountered two vastly different people whose ministries have enabled me to find the courage to continue my journey, and openly embrace my inner church geek!

This beautiful scene met our eyes as we drove home from children's choir practice this evening:

Felt like the Spirit sending a message of joy - how can one not be uplifted by such a radiant image?!

Also reminded me of one of my favourite Elton John songs...I play it on my own piano, but somehow it doesn't quite sound the same ;)

The United Church of Canada invites people to use the following prayer for the people of Myanmar.

O Holy One, who speaks to us out of the whirlwind,
revealing how limited is our power,
how vulnerable is our existence,
how fragile our survival,
once again the winds and the waves have devastated a portion of your good earth,
your creation has been laid waste in Myanmar.
By the tens of thousands, your human children
have drowned, have been battered lifeless, and
now countless are left without shelter or home risking disease and death.
Our lamentations rise with our fear-filled rage at this loss, suffering,
and the senselessness of it all.
We cannot undo what has happened,
but fervently invite your embracing presence and love
for all who have died,
for all who are wounded,
for all who are grieving.
Let neither the dead nor the living be far from your Spirit,
they are all with you.

Gracious and generous One,
you love the world and all its people—your global household.
We pray for all who are witnesses to this destruction and death.
Near and far, weak and powerful, rich and poor—
we, who have been spared this killer cyclone,
observe and can hardly credit what we see.
As we watch brief video clips and read news reports,
your Spirit moves our hearts to compassion and generosity.
We rejoice in all who put mind, body, and soul into rescue, relief, and restoration efforts.
We welcome opportunities to give so that life may continue.
We pray, move the hearts of those in power in Myanmar to transcend self-interest
so that the freely-given help and aid may reach
the needy, the distressed and all suffering because of this calamity.
We pray in Jesus Christ, by whom we know your Way, your Truth, and your Life.
AMEN
(Scripture references: Job 40:6; Psalm 139:7, 18)

Inspired by Maria's photos of votive trees, here is one of Miss Ninja lighting a candle in Chiesa di Ognissanti last summer:

The Ginger was thrilled to tell me that the California Supreme Court struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage.

As past cases establish, the substantive right of two adults who share a loving relationship to join together to establish an officially recognized family of their own — and, if the couple chooses, to raise children within that family — constitutes a vitally important attribute of the fundamental interest in liberty and personal autonomy that the California Constitution secures to all persons for the benefit of both the individual and society.

Furthermore, in contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual’s capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual’s sexual orientation, and, more generally, that an individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights. We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples.

Valerie and I went for a marvellous drive along the Fundy coast to Cape d'Or today.

Strangely for me, I forgot to take any photos this day. But here's a video I found on youtube to give you a glimpse of this spectacular spot.

Each week on Thursday, Valerie sends an email to our entire congregation (or at least to those who've provided their email addresses) as a way of keeping in touch between Sundays. This email is often a newletter of sorts, telling us what's going on in upcoming Sundays, letting us know who is need of our prayers and support through difficult times, keeping us up to date on our sponsored refugee family's situation, and other congregational news. Or it might be a call to offer up our talents toward various ministries, such as youth group, prayer shawls, funerals, music, etc. Recently she invited us to "give some prayerful consideration to what your gifts are and if, in fact, you are being called by God". She wrote: "I do not yet know your name but I do know God is calling – Do you not hear?"

Other weeks, her emails are reminders to "take the time to experience the presence of God in the people around you and the places you find yourselves in. In the darker moments and in those times of complete joy, God is there and we are indeed blessed."

But today, her email included a reflection on our coastal drive, which I wrote about myself yesterday, so I want to share it with you in full...

I received this in an email recently...

Two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument; and one friend slapped the other one in the face

The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

“Today my best friend slapped me in the face.”

They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath.

The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him.

After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

"Today my best friend saved my life"

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?"

The friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand, where winds of forgiveness can erase it away.

But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

Learn to write your hurts in the sand and to carve your benefits in stone.

Recently my daughter told me that a friend's parents had offered to pick her up at our house, take her to her friend's bowling party, and then drive her home again. I said oh no, I would come get her after the party, as there was no need for them to do all that driving. She replied forcefully “Mum, they offered to bring me home, and if someone offers something, you have to accept, otherwise they’ll think you don’t like them”. I assured her they won’t think any such thing, and explained that whether or not we accept someone’s offer has nothing to do with whether or not we like them.

And yet later that evening, when my own friend turned down an offer I had made when I'd thought she might need a friend on an upcoming trip, I found my daughter's words echoing in my head. Why, knowing there was not a shred of truth to it, would such a thought enter my mind? And yet strangely it did. Even though I fully understood my friend’s reason for saying "thanks for the thought, but maybe another time". Even though I knew the reason she didn't want my company had nothing to do with me in particular, she just wanted to take some time for herself. Even though I myself sometimes choose solitude over the company of friends and family.

I am a hypocrite in the face of my own insecurity. I wonder if this is normal. I wonder if my insecurity is a burden for my friends...I hope not.

O, Insecurity, you curious beast...how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways...

I hate when the fear of perceived rejection paralyzes and weakens me. I hate when ridiculous and irrational thoughts crawl out of my brain and swirl around my mind. I hate that, even though I recognize their absurdity, those thoughts still lead me to a place of withdrawal. I turn inward and circle the wagons, determined not to risk rejection again.

A few months ago, Rev. Valerie had asked Ginger if she would give a reflection on Grad Sunday (today). Ginger agreed. Weeks passed without inspiration. One particularly bad day, she almost called Valerie to say she couldn't do this after all. But she decided to give it a bit more time and see if the words would come. A few days ago, she managed to put a few thoughts on paper, but said it was only about 30 seconds worth and she thought it was stupid. I read it and (honestly) assured her it was not. She planned to finish it Friday since she had no school, but was not feeling very optimistic that she'd be able to find anything interesting to say. I suggested that perhaps she might include a poem, song lyric, favourite passage from a book, etc. if she needed to, in order to find the inspiration that was eluding her. I also reminded her to have faith in herself and to believe that her words are of interest to others.

When I got home Friday evening and read her draft, I was so impressed by what she wrote. Afterward, several people commented on how moved they were by her words. One woman said that she was especially touched because her son also suffers from depression. I know that my own eyes welled up with tears while listening to my beautiful daughter speak of her pain. At the same time, my heart swelled with love and pride at her courage in speaking about her depression so openly. She is an amazing, strong, generous young woman who has so much to offer. Dave and I are incredibly proud of her.

Without further ado, here is the text of her reflection:

Hooray, I survived my first solo performance! Amazingly, I was hardly nervous at all, it was a wonderful feeling to share this uplifting and joyful song with everyone. (Singing the line "I can feel this God song rising up in me" felt quite literally true.)

My family - including Dave for once! - was in the pews beaming encouragement at me. My younger daughter even gave me a thumbs up at the end...how cool is that? And quite a few people offered kind words after the service, so I guess I must have sounded ok. (Er, unless of course everyone was just being polite...but I don't think that was the case!) The only disappointing part about today was that Rev Valerie was away so had to miss my big "debut" as well as Ginger's incredibly moving reflection. Janice (our church's staff associate) lead the services in Valerie's absence and really was wonderful...but it wasn't quite the same :(

During children's time, Janice talked about Psalm 86 (at least I think that's what she said), in terms of how we act when afraid (of the dark, of rejection, of whatever makes us fearful), and how we can get strength and comfort from God at these times...which I thought was very interesting, especially considering my musings last week about insecurity.

My friend Brent told me he recorded the service today (audio only, I think) and that he'd give me a copy of the recording. He said he wants to keep a copy for himself too, and then went on to say that Valerie always gets a copy "because she's second to God, you know, and that's only if God keeps on his toes"...he cracks me up with his quirky sense of humour.

Anyway, once I have the recording, and if I can figure out how, maybe I'll upload my own rendition here. In the meantime, if you're interested to hear the song I chose, here's a random version from youtube:

I bought it for myself, of course. Yeesh, can't a grown woman buy herself a book without everyone thinking she's lost her marbles? Just because the book is aimed at preschoolers...hey, my inner child stomped her foot and said "I want that!!", what can I say?! :o)

I was browsing the bookshelves the other day (what else is new...) and I came across Guido's Gondola, a delightful children's book. Lovely illustrations, a heartwarming message told in rhymes, and Venice!! What more could one need from a book?

The blurb on the back is as follows:

"Guido spends his days shuttling tourists along the waterways of Venice in a small gondola. The kindhearted young rat enjoys the simple pleasures of his world–until his eyes are opened to the possibilities of all that could be accomplished with a larger, faster vessel. As Guido is persuaded to acquire bigger and better boats, life becomes increasingly complicated. Just how far will he go in his search for true satisfaction?

You and your child will giggle your way through this enchanting story of a small rat with a big heart, who learns the hard way that it’s the little joys of life that matter most."

The author includes this passage on her dedication page:

Better one handful with tranquility than two handfuls with toil and chasing after the wind. Ecclesiastes 4:6

Amen to that!

A couple months ago, I posted about receiving a gift of a prayer shawl and the incredible feeling of comfort that flowed into me when I wrapped it around myself.

Recently, Rev. Valerie asked our congregation if there was interest in starting up a prayer shawl ministry in our church...apparently the response was overwhelming. I definitely want to participate, even though I don't knit. I had sampled the world of knitting years ago, but started with a sweater pattern that was entirely too complicated for a beginner. I grew horribly frustrated and abandoned it. But I had enjoyed the act of knitting, other than the frustration of being in over my head so to speak, and had intended to try again with a simpler pattern but, as is often the case in my world of procrastination, I never got around to it.

What better way to reenter knitter-ville than to knit a prayer shawl?! Valerie had some patterns for folks to take, but they looked too complicated for my liking. I want to knit peacefully, with comforting thoughts and prayer in my mind. (I don't think much comfort would come from a shawl knit with intense frustration over missed stitches and the like!) So Valerie emailed me these - much simpler - instructions:

"Prayer Shawl Pattern. 3 plain, 3 purl all the way across and switch coming back. Cast on 57 stitches."

Great, I thought, that sounds uber-easy, but...when I went to buy some yarn, my shopping ground to a halt...er, just how many skeins of yarn does one need for a prayer shawl? Does it matter what kind of yarn use? With what size needles should I knit? So many things to know, so little knowledge in my head. Valerie was so busy I didn't want to pester her with my plethora of questions. (I wondered if there was "Prayer Shawl for Dummies" book...)

Fellow ST blogger Deborah dedicated her current trip to her dear friend Susie. She also made this request to her blog readers and Slow Travel friends:

As you visit the great and small houses of faith around the world -- will you light a candle for Susie?

I do not really have an opportunity to photograph the lighting of a candle in my church. We don't have votive candles in the United Church, at least not in any UC churches that I have been in. I could photograph the lighting of the candle at the beginning of worship, but I sit in the choir loft facing the congregation and it wouldn't feel right to be snapping pictures. It would offset the peaceful honouring of Susie to be lighting a candle while feeling self conscious and intrusive. There is a Catholic basilica beside my office building, so I plan to visit it when I am able and light a candle there.

But I have lit a candle here in Susie's honour.

The process of lighting a candle in cyberspace was more peaceful than I had anticipated. At each step, you can take as much time as you need to gather your thoughts and wrap your love and prayers around the people in your mind.

After I finished, the message said the candle will only stay 'lit' for 48 hours, but I took this screen capture to keep my candle lit forever.

In any case, my prayer for Susie will not be extinguished.

Peace to all...

Not so very long ago, someone said to me:

"I really enjoy sharing stories with you and getting to know you better. There are some people in my journey who, in the words of Anne of Green Gables, are “Kindred Spirits”. I feel that when I am with you. Just wanted you to know that."

I was reminded of this beautiful expression of friendship today when I came across the very words she referenced:

“A bosom friend - an intimate friend, you know - a really kindred spirit to whom I can confide my inmost soul”
~ From “Anne of Green Gables”, by L.M. Montgomery

And again when I saw this drawing, which totally tickled my funny bone. How cool that it is entitled "Kindred Spirits" because it just feels perfect for this particular friendship...

"Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."
~ Charles R. Swindoll

How proud of me am I?!? I have finished knitting my first prayer shawl ever, and am happy to say that it turned out even better than I hoped. It is hardly a work of art to be sure, but definitely a work of love. It is lovely and soft and warm, and infused with all the comfort and love I could knit in. Thanks to Mom for the refresher course in basic knitting techniques, and to Rev. Valerie for introducing me to the whole concept of prayer shawls..."the energy of prayer in solid form", as my blogging friend Annie put it.

As I knit, I held my family and friends in my heart, and prayed for strangers such as Deborah's friend Susie, whom I have met only through the stories of others. I discovered that knitting prayer shawls is very comforting...the rhythm is soothing, plus the simplicity of this pattern does not require much concentration so my mind is free to wander, to dream, to pray...to think about the people I love...to feel the presence of God in and around me.

I quite often sang too while knitting, songs of worship or whatever happy music ran through me and set my toes a-tapping (a rousing chorus of Mamma Mia, anyone?) Plus, in Miss Ninja's words, "there is a foot of Newfoundland knit in the shawl". She sat with me for a couple hours one evening, and told me all about her visit with her best friend and family (although I gave up trying to figure out who was who in the extended version!) Of course the little turkey is tickled pink that she has now visited Newfoundland and I have not! :o) But I'm so glad she had such a great time and I thoroughly enjoyed listening to her stories.

As I knit more shawls, which I definitely intend to do, I will give them to the prayer shawl ministry at my church so they can go to anyone in need of their miraculous comfort. But I know that this, my first one, is meant for Valerie. A couple months ago, she seemed to be feeling down and I was wishing there was someway I could bring her comfort, instead of always the other way around...one evening, while tucked up in my own prayer shawl and marvelling again, and as always, at the powerful feeling of being wrapped in God's arms, I thought of knitting a shawl for her. And I did...so I will offer it to her and hopefully she doesn't already have a closet full.

What a lovely day we had today. Ginger and I went with my friend Tricia to her church - she and I are doing an "exchange". I went to her church this week, and she is coming to mine another week. (Actually we are not-so-secretly trying to lure each other to our own church. I don't know what her motivation is, but for my part, she is just so much fun and would bring a great energy to our church. However, we both love our own houses of worship, so I don't think either of us is going to make a move.)

Her minister, Rev. George MacDonald, is a very friendly and down to earth older gentleman, who is retiring this year. He gave a wonderful sermon, titled "Season to Taste". He began by speaking of his mother's stew and how, no matter how he tries, he cannot make a stew that tastes like hers. After she passed away, he found the recipe she used, which was her mother's. He said it was easy to follow, the instructions were clear and basic...until the last line "season to taste". Does that mean salt and pepper, or a mix of the herbs and spices in the rack above the stove? Does that mean season to his taste, her taste, the diners' taste? And he still has never made a stew that tastes like hers... And that lead into a sermon of how God seasons to his taste and how it's always the decision points that are difficult. It's easy to follow instructions, go to church each week, read the Bible, etc. But what about the times in our lives when we are called upon to "season to taste"? It was very thoughtful. We met and had a nice chat with him afterward. He asked where we were from, and it turns out he knows my Rev. Valerie and her husband Mark (who is also a minister, but in the Anglican Church, not the United Church).

I came across this site one day and thought GodTube?? Seriously...there's a "GodTube??? Cool. According to the site:

GodTube.com is a dynamic community of people who are looking to connect, share, and belong. In its simplest form, GodTube is a video-driven social network where users can explore their faith and the tenets of Christianity.

I just watched this video, which I don't believe is true, but nonetheless, I think it raises some interesting points about our hesitance to share our faith in the face of disbelief and sometimes ridicule. When you think about it, that should be when we are most vocal, but instead we are often all too silent.

It has certainly taken me years to grow comfortable enough in my own faith to even begin to be truly open about it...proclaiming one's self a child of Christ feels like coming out of the closet! Some people look at me like I have two heads, and edge away from the conversation. Or assume that because I speak of things like feeling God's presence, they need to avoid certain topics...oh please, I have two children after all, and I didn't find them in the pumpkin patch! And just because I want to follow in Jesus' footsteps doesn't mean I've lost my sense of humour or that I don't say the f-word myself on occasion. Well ok, I don't actually swear much, but I never did, my language has not changed since I started on the path of my present faith journey. I think everyone has the right to their own beliefs (or non-belief as the case may be), but they don't have the right to dictate or ridicule what I believe. I sure hope the Spirit will fill me with the strength to stand up should I ever encounter such a bully as in this video story.

Spirit, Spirit of gentleness, blow through the wilderness, calling and free... Spirit, Spirit of restlessness, stir me from placidness, Wind, Wind on the sea...

i thank You God

i thank You God for most this amazing
day: for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday; this is the birth
day of life and of love and wings: and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any – lifted from the no
of all nothing – human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

E. E. Cummings
(I've seen his name also as ee cummings, but have read that he himself used capitals in his name, although not so much in his work)

As you may recall from this entry, my friend Tricia and I decided to check out each other's worship experience. So yesterday, Tricia came to my beloved St. John's United.

Her husband dropped her off at SJ shortly before the service started, so I had a chance to introduce her to Rev. Valerie, and to several of the congregation (who, in the summer, are mostly made up of 'savvy old ladies', which phrase I read somewhere recently and it cracked me up...there is so much truth in that term, the older church women just know things...lots of things.) I felt a shade guilty for abandoning choir, but I wanted to sit with Tricia. Not that my voice is anything special, mind you, but there were only three other choir members this week (normally we are ten - fifteen, but numbers plummet in the summer) so a fourth member would likely have been appreciated! But I, and the rest of the congregation, sang along to most pieces anyway, so in the end it didn't really matter if I sat with them or not.

We had a wonderful hymn sing this day - on summer Sundays, we always have a few minutes at the beginning of the service where we call out favourite hymns and sing them. Lots of great selections this week: Lord of Sea and Sky (my sister's favourite), In the Bulb there is a Flower (one of my late Grammy's favourites), Jesus You have come to the Lakeshore (one of my favourites), Lord of the Dance (one of everyone's favourites!), and more. I was glad of this, because I know one thing Tricia misses about the United Church is the music...actually it was she who called out Lord of Sea and Sky.

In your eyes
The light, the heat
In your eyes
I am complete
In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
In your eyes
The resolution of all the fruitless searches
In your eyes
I see the light and the heat
In your eyes
Oh, I want to be that complete
I want to touch the light
The heat I see in your eyes

~ Peter Gabriel

I heard this song today and, as always, it touched me. I have read that, according to Gabriel, these lyrics could refer to either the love between two people, or the relationship between a person and God. The latter is how it seems to me. Singing these lyrics feels like a prayer: O God, in your eyes, I am complete...

The notion of being seen in God's eyes reminds me of a recent entry I read on the WonderCafe, called "Don't Look at Me", about an encounter with a shy little girl at a First Nations feast. Here's an excerpt:

“It seemed to me that she wanted both to be seen and to not be seen. Isn’t that a tension live most days?

I found myself wishing that I had said to my new friend, "Even if I don't look, God sees you - sees that you are beautiful and loved and a joy in God’s heart.” How might it change the world if each of us could take that in? That is one of the reasons, it seems to me, our faith communities are so important. They are, or should be, places where we feel seen. Places where we see in the eyes of our brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles in faith, God looking at us and all creation with love. Places where we hear God’s voice say “I AM looking at you and your song and your heart is beautiful.”

~ David Giuliano (Moderator of the United Church of Canada)

Psych!! I lied...I didn't get my picture in the paper at all.

(Well I did once when I was four or five, but that's got nothing to do with this post...although if that old newprint will scan halfways decently, I will post that photo one of these days - it's of me and my (at the time) best friend Joel standing in front of some flowering tree. We were very pleased with ourselves for making the big times, I can tell you! :) I don't remember why we warranted a photo in the provincial newspaper, though...maybe we were just such an adorable "couple" the photographer couldn't resist! lol)

But I got that same kind of feeling when I read Valerie's latest weekly email to our congregation. I felt the thrill of "hey, that's me she's talking about!", and also the warmth we all feel when a friend sees something in us that we do not see ourselves. I am sharing her email, and my reaction, with you because of a recent comment from Annie about how we "are so embarassed by our "icky stuff" that we hide the good stuff too". Annie's words have strengthened my resolve to celebrate my own good stuff and not always brush off words of praise thinking I don't deserve them. Like saying to Valerie how humbled I was that she saw such depth in my feeble attempts to share my faith...when I mentioned this to my mother, Mom said "Feeble? I don't think so!" I must keep in mind something I myself wrote not so very long ago, that we can more easily share our gifts if we acknowledge that we have something worth sharing in the first place. And sharing can also clear up minor misunderstandings...when sharing Valerie's words with Dave, I added that it makes me a bit sad that I can't share my faith journey with him and that he doesn't even read my blog...I've been thinking that he wasn't interested, but as it turns out, the truth is that I'd never thought to tell him the web address so he thought I didn't want him reading it. Oops! He has the address now...so I shall expect the appearance of the odd comment from him from time to time. :)

Here is Valerie's email (I've bolded the lines that touched me)...

I got home from work one day last week, and had barely changed my clothes when Sara grabbed my hand, "come hear this song, it's awesome"...she has good taste, that child of mine!

Girl in the War, by Josh Ritter:

There are some fabulous interpretations posted on the Song Meanings website.

Lyrics:

Peter said to Paul
"All those words that we wrote
Are just the rules of the game and the rules are the first to go"
But now talkin' to God is Laurel beggin' Hardy for a gun
I gotta girl in the war, man I wonder what it is we done

Paul to Petey "you gotta rock yourself a little harder;
Pretend the dove from above is a dragon and your feet are on fire"
But I gotta girl in the war, Paul her eyes are like champagne
They sparkle, bubble over, in the morning all you got is rain
Sparkle, bubble over, in the morning all you got is rain
They sparkle, bubble over, in the morning all you got is rain

I had never heard of Josh Ritter before, but have now listened to a few of his songs and quite enjoyed them. I might have to pick up one of his CDs. I often find that I like the full album experience better than collections of greatest hits, etc. Of course, not all artists can achieve continuity in an album, but when they can, the music and lyrics flow throughout and I get a much better feel for their style. I am interested to find out if Ritter's albums flow, or if they are just a collection of unrelated music. Here is another of his songs:

The following article from the Toronto Star was reproduced today in my local paper, the Chronicle Herald. It is quite an eye opener and very thought provoking...how often do we give any thought to the needs of our clergy?

I read in the article that 49% of ministers told researchers they had two or fewer close friends within their parish. 18% reported no parish friends at all.

Wow, those are surprising numbers. It makes me wonder how anyone can have the strength, the faith, the commitment to go into ministry...the call of God must be powerful indeed for anyone to follow it in the face of such isolation and feelings of loneliness. We are blessed to have such souls in our midst.

I think the article especially touches a chord in me because one of my best friends is a minister, and it makes my heart sad to think of her having to face these issues. Although at least I'm sure she isn't one of those with "no parish friends at all". (After all, I know she has at least one close friend in her congregation - me! And no doubt a few others as well.) I have to admit though, that it was only as our friendship grew that I actually offered my company, or thought to tell her she is in my thoughts and prayers. I had just assumed she had lots of close friends, family members, fellow clergy to turn to for comfort and support...which seems to be true in her case, but the point is, before she and I became friends ourselves, I never thought to ask if she wanted someone to talk to. And I never thought to ask my previous minister, Rev. Iain, either. Hopefully I will be more thoughtful with future ministers in my life!

Here is the article, and accompanying survey results:

Alas, it seems I am becoming a constant source of embarrassment to Miss Ninja. And for a change, Mamma Mia was not involved this time!

There was an Ecumenical community service (all faiths) this afternoon. This service is an annual event usually held in conjunction with Waverley Gold Rush Days (the annual celebration of the village's bygone days of gold.) This year, the music was provided by the Bedford United Church youth group's band ReGenesis. They played at my church once, and I so enjoyed their performance that I bought their CD (they weren't selling for profit, they were raising funds to attend a big choir gathering in Toronto.) I listened to this CD a lot over the past year (hearing those young voices raised in joyful song really lifted my spirits when it was low.) So I was definitely looking forward to seeing them again.

So, there we are at the Legion...the music starts...the leader of the youth group tells everyone to get up on their feet, and quite a few people did, including us. I have a notion Valerie and I were among the more enthusiastic in the crowd though...we were dancing, doing the actions along with the songs, and singing loudly all the words we knew. Sitting just beside us, Valerie's daughter whispers to my daughter, in embarrassed tones, "oh man, look at our mothers"...my gal slouches in her chair and answers "I know, I don't even want to know them"...

Of course if the girls were just there by themselves, they would have been front and centre with enthusiasm...but when their mothers are around, apparently they are too cool for such antics. Funny, funny girls. I love them both dearly!

...A Brief Glimpse Into the Crazed Mind of My Inner Five Year Old...

What a crazy roller coaster ride of angst I was on this weekend...and it all started with an innocuous comment about Facebook...

I was reading Valerie's weekly congregational newsletter the other day and she talked about connections, and how a girl she'd gone to school with had found her on Facebook, and - wait, WHAT?! I did a mental double take - Valerie is on Facebook?? I thought: "who are you and what have you done with the person who told me she doesn't like written conversation, who rarely answers social emails, let alone can possibly have any interest in a Facebook account??"

I emailed her right off and told her my inner five year old was sulking in the corner thinking "hmph, apparently I'm not good enough to be your Facebook friend". (I also said it's ok to laugh at that, I was.) Because I thought my crankiness was simply due to being tired from an overnight staff retreat (where we ran amok till the wee hours), and I was fully expecting to find myself in a better frame of mind the next morning.

Alas, the next morning did not find me in a better frame of mind. Funny how the stupidest little things can sow seeds of discontent. My inner child was still pouting and feeling left out.

My church choir director just emailed me this lovely prayer...

Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see
and to hear this morning.
I'm blessed because You are
a forgiving God and
an understanding God.

You have done so much for me
and You keep on blessing me.
Forgive me this day for everything
I have done, said or thought
that was not pleasing to you.
I ask now for Your forgiveness.
Please keep me safe
from all danger and harm.

Help me to start this day
with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude.
Let me make the best of each and every day
to clear my mind so that I can hear from You.

"Is there really life after death??" Where the heck did THIS thought come from? Yikes, surely I have better things to think about on the eve of a trip to Italy than pondering the mysteries of life after death! Oh well, now that I'm on the subject...and have a few minutes to kill ('cause sure as heck I'm not starting anything new at work, and have finished all that I intended to do today anyway - which is a miracle in itself with my mind wandering all over the place like this!)

I guess the thought came because something reminded me of an Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations episode. I love that show - Tony will eat anything and enjoy it...well except for that nasty bit of offal served him in Namibia (unwashed warthog rectum cooked al dente on the ashes of an open fire...mmm...) If I hadn't seen that footage for myself, I'd be hard pressed to believe anyone could physically manage to swallow such a thing without some serious gagging! (Man, he almost managed to look like he enjoyed it...almost. Although I'm not so sure he wasn't sick afterward.)

Anyway, the show I was reminded of was based in Cleveland (just a tad less exotic than Africa!) and his guest was a guy named Harvey Pekar. I had never before heard of Harver Pekar, or his apparently very well known autobiographical series American Splendor, but this exchange cracked me up:

Anthony_Bourdain: "Does it give you satisfaction to know people will still be reading American Splendour in 50, 100 years?"

Harver Pekar: "Yeah, but I'll be dead then...when you're dead, it robs you of many pleasures."

The following is from Valerie's weekly "Thursday Thoughts" email to our congregation. Her thoughts this week really resonated with me. I found them very beautiful and inspiring...a good reminder to let God's light shine into me even when (or maybe I should say especially when) I am feeling tired from jetlag, cranky from missing people, cold in body and mind from the change in climate from Italy to home. A reminder to appreciate and celebrate what I have, instead of whining about what I don't have...

"This sun is shining and the leaves are brilliant, at least for another few days. It is a day that speaks of warmth of spirit and of new life taking root that will wait and be nurtured until the life giving waters of spring. These are my thoughts for today:

May the sun of God’s creation shine in through your windows and into the windows of your souls touching the inner most parts of your being with light and hope and love."

After reading this, I was certainly feeling the love, the light, the hope. And feeling great joy and thankfulness for the love of my family and my friends, for being filled with the Spirit, for the wonders of this glorious world of ours (including the wonders of my own gorgeous Nova Scotia, as well as those of la bella Italia!)

Hopefully her words will lift your spirits also.

The following is a news release from The United Church of Canada:

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The United Church of Canada is calling on its members to take action in support of the people of the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC). The church’s call to action comes in response to growing concerns over the ongoing conflict and humanitarian crisis unfolding in the eastern province of North Kivu. Fighting between armed rebel groups and the armed forces of the DRC recently escalated in the east with attacks on Goma, the capital of the province of North Kivu.

The United Church of Canada’s partner in the region, Église du Christ au Congo (ECC), is working with other agencies to provide humanitarian relief and offer shelter in churches and homes for those seeking refuge.

"The humanitarian situation in North Kivu is catastrophic,” says the Rev. Milenge Mwenelwata. “More than 1.5 million people are without shelter, food, and water, and are displaced each day with no destination, fleeing hostilities. The population is without assistance.”

In October, renewed violence drove 250,000 people from their homes, adding to the million-and-a-half people already displaced in the province, almost one-third of its population. Since 1998, an estimated five million people have died in the DRC from conflict and related consequences. Rape, forced prostitution, and abduction of civilians as sex slaves are widespread. Perpetrators of these crimes mostly go unpunished.

The causes of this long-standing conflict are complex, and include a breakdown of the state, the legacies of Mobutu Sese Seko’s 31-year regime, the lingering aftermath of the genocide in neighbouring Rwanda, and competition over the DRC’s vast natural resources.

The Amani Program (amani is Swahili for peace), signed during the Goma conference in January 2008, established a disarmament and demobilization process and laid the foundations for a reconstruction program in the region. All the Congolese armed groups, including the Congrès National pour la Défense du Peuple (CNDP), accepted it. In early October, the CNDP reneged on its promises and renewed its military operations.

“The people of Congo are yearning for peace,” explains Wendy Gichuru, The United Church of Canada’s regional coordinator for East and Central Africa. “This new crisis is undermining their advances toward peace and democratization, which had been supported in large part by the international community and Canada.”

Gichuru adds that the United Church has already allocated some emergency response funding to support partners’ humanitarian and relief efforts in the region.

Through Église du Christ au Congo and Action by Churches Together (ACT) International, the first interventions have concentrated on water supply, small-scale food and other assistance, and supply of medicine to the looted medical facilities of the area. Despite the lack of humanitarian access, several ACT International members have been able to deliver some initial assistance.

The United Church is also participating in the ecumenical coalition KAIROS’ appeal to the Canadian government to actively work for peace and justice for the Congolese people.

The United Church’s call to action for the people of the Democratic Republic of Congo is asking church members to

• write to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, calling on Canada to actively support peace and respect for human rights in the Democratic Republic of Congo. [Note: a sample letter and mailing addresses are available on the UCC website.]

• pray for the people of the Democratic Republic of Congo as they strive for peace and harmony in their country.

• contribute to the United for Peace Campaign, increase support to the Mission and Service Fund, or earmark a designated donation to the “Eastern DRC Crisis.” Individuals can either donate online at www.united-church.ca or mail cheques to Financial Services Unit, The United Church of Canada, 3250 Bloor St. West, Suite 300, Toronto, ON M8X 2Y4. (More detail on the website.)

For details regarding this call to action for the people of the Democratic Republic of Congo, please visit The United Church of Canada’s website at www.united-church.ca.

Each of us has a hidden place
Somewhere deep within ourselves;
A place where we go to get away,
To think things through,
To be alone, to be ourselves.

This unique place, where we confront our deepest feelings,
Becomes a storehouse of all our hopes,
All our needs, all our dreams,
And even our unspoken fears.
It encompasses the essence of who we are and what we want to be.

But now and then, whether by chance or design,
Someone discovers a way into that place we thought was ours alone.
And we allow that person to see, to feel and to share
All the reason, all the uncertainty
And all the emotion we've stored up there.

That person adds new perspective to our hidden realm,
Then quietly settles down in his own corner of our special place,
Where a bit of himself will stay forever.

And we call that person a friend.

~ by Carol Elaine Faivre-Scott ~

Sara showed me this video last night on the Funny or Die website. We laughed our heads off. And then we talked a lot about the attitudes and hypocrisy highlighted by the skit, and how disturbing it is when the bible and religion are twisted to support prejudice. As a church goer who does support same gender marriage, I pray that the Supreme Court of California has the wisdom to nullify Proposition 8!

Enjoy!!

It was cold and damp today...just the day for a nice, long soak in a nice, hot bath. I absolutely love my deep oval jacuzzi tub, complete with jets and all...for me, it's the perfect place to be alone, whether I am feeling joyful, or in need of a good cry. (Except when our well is low and then the tub just sits there empty...taunting me because I cannot fill it.)

So I filled the tub and hopped in, with my book, some chocolate and a cup of coffee (if it had been an evening bath, the beverage may very well have been wine instead!) As for the current choice of book, I'm nearing the end of Sue Monk Kidd's When The Heart Waits, and much of it resonates with me. The back cover has this description:

Blending her own experiences with an intimate grasp of spirituality, Sue Monk Kidd relates the passionate and moving tale of her spiritual crisis, when life seemed to have lost meaning and her longing for a hasty escape from the pain yielded to a discipline of "active waiting."

This is for my dear friend Valerie, who is attending the funeral of her friend this afternoon. I know that God is with her, and that she possesses her own amazing inner strength, but I still want to offer my prayers of support. I was at her house when she received the news of her friend's death. In a heartbeat, she moved from grieving friend to caregiving Minister in order to go break the news to his mother (who is a member of our congregation)...the depth of her caring for others amazes me.

I hold her in my heart as I read from Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet...

To all my blog friends, I say...

Merry Christmas!!

And this being the season when we traditionally celebrate the birth of Christ, here is a photo I took in the Basilica of Santa Maria degli Angeli in Assisi. I thought this was a rather odd nativity scene in that the baby Jesus is neither in a manger, nor in the arms of Mary. I'm assuming the man holding the baby is supposed to be St. Francis, who introduced three dimensional nativity scenes (or presepio) to Italy after a 1220 voyage to Egypt.

Ok, I'm pretty sure this is not going to be about what most of you were thinking of when you saw the word "Roman"! But it is about hope, and what better topic as we begin a new year.

Romans 15:13

There are so many translations...which of these do you prefer?

New Revised Standard Version (NRSV):

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

King James Version (KJ):

Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost.

New International Version (NIV):

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Message:

Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!

I found a site BibleGateway that seems to have every version known to man, so...here it is in Italian!
La Parola è Vita:

Possa il Dio della speranza, riempirvi della gioia e della pace che vengono dalla vostra fede, affinché la vostra speranza abbondi, per mezzo della potenza dello Spirito Santo!

Write it on your heart
(by Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day,
and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.

I came across that poem this evening and thought wow, are these words of wisdom for me and my sometimes insecure inner child, or what? I will write on my heart that every day is the best day in the year!

Normally I do not make New Year's resolutions ('cause who needs to go through that setup for failure exercise every year?!), but recently said to a friend:

I just had a thought - maybe I should make a New Year's resolution after all - I resolve to trust my heart whenever in doubt this year! Imagine the possibility in that...wow, the mind boggles! :)

And that includes letting my heart be open to the power and the glory of the Spirit, so that I am uplifted and strengthened in order to leave behind those blunders and absurdities that creep in, and start each day with a fresh outlook and a joyful spirit. So...I think this might just be a good year for a resolution after all, and through prayer and being wrapped in the love of my dear family and friends, I might even manage to keep it!

Here too are a few photographs of the glories of creation to show just what beauty each new day might hold...who does not feel their heart lifted by such wonders?! I now have a line from a really joyful hymn running through my mind (not sure if these words are exactly right, but they sound really good in my head!)

Wake up! Arise! Rejoice and give thanks to the Lord for a bright new day!!

I had the great privilege of singing at two funerals this week. Yes, that's right, I said privilege. Being in my church choir, I try to add my voice when possible, although since I work fulltime, I cannot attend many of the funerals that fall on weekdays. But I go when I can. And it really is an honour, not a burden, to share in these celebrations of life.

In the case of the two funerals this week, I didn't know either of the people beforehand, but came to know a part of them through the stories and reflections shared during the services.

The first service was on Thursday morning, for a gentleman who had died from cancer. I am fairly well acquainted with his widow, as she is envelope secretary at my church, but not sure if I ever met him or not. What wonderfully joyful and uplifting music was chosen for this service...I said to Phyllis (a fellow choir member) that I was going to "steal" some of the selections for my own funeral! (Although in fact, I long ago decided I want joyful music at my funeral. "Shine, Jesus, Shine" and "Hallelujah, Your Love is Amazing" are a couple I have mentioned to family in the past. Obviously, I am not planning to need a funeral service myself for many years to come, but...when I do, I surely want to go out with Joy!!!)

And the stories by his family, the humour, the poetry read by a couple friends, the Scripture passages, Valerie's reflections of the man and his faith...all so moving and uplifting. I came away feeling honoured to have shared in this warm, loving celebration of a wonderful sounding man.

Also had the feeling that I was meant to be there. Originally had a meeting at work that I couldn't get out of, but then it got postponed, so I was able to attend the funeral after all. And earlier that morning, while still home, I had picked up my bible for no particular reason, and randomly read a passage from the gospel of Matthew...which passage turned out to be the exact passage read by the man's daughter during the service. Goosebump moment.

But wait...there's more! When we were filing out of the choir loft, I noticed a slip of paper on the pew behind me and said, oh someone had Chinese food last night, let's see what the fortune is...

"Let the little children come to me; do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs." (Mark 10:14, NRSV)

The big kids' corner during children's time...
(Guess who is the biggest kid of all?**)

**The answer to that question is of course my friend (Reverend) Valerie...which anyone who's ever read my blog probably already knew since I am always writing about how wonderful she is and how much joy our friendship brings me. And about how uplifting her ministry is, because she truly is an awesome minister (and I'm not just saying that because she's my friend!)

Of course, I only write the good stuff about Valerie...I would never share the bad bits, such as when she...

...told me to get the hell out of her office (Being told to get the hell out of church by the Minister...how many people have that claim to fame, I wonder?!)

...treated me like an outcast over the holidays - an outcast, I tell ya!!

...said that I have a freakishly bizarre shaped head (I'm traumatized for life...I may never let anyone massage my migraine-ish head again...)

...insulted my humming abilities during Cranium. I said I wouldn't be able to hum very well because of my cold, and she replied "it's not like that will make a difference"...humph.

...somehow managed to get my husband to buy her flowers, 'cause yes, the last time my husband bought flowers, they were for her and not me. (I'm thinking hey, just what's going on around here anyway?? I haven't gotten flowers in years, decades even. This is just not right.)

...cancelled our date (again.) This happens with such frequency (twice last week alone!), I'm starting to think she's just pretending to be my friend, you know, in hopes that my husband will buy her more flowers or something...

I am feeling wonderful and wonder-filled this morning...for no particular reason (and isn't that always the best way to start the day!!) Well actually it's partly due to the most glorious sunrise I saw this morning. It was one of those risings where the sun is a big ball of reddish yellow shimmering over the horizon, surrounded by swirling colours and a beam of glowing orange light shooting straight up into the sky. The kind of sunrise that fills your soul and makes your heart sing of the sheer beauty of creation! ♥

And here I am sharing a joyful moment with Sara a couple years ago standing out on the ice of the Northumberland Strait:

Let the Second Annual February Blog Extravaganza begin!!!

Except, er, I don't actually have an idea for today's post...

How about if I post some photos I took this morning?

I was first to arrive for our pre-service choir practice, and instead of heading straight into the chapel to wait for the others, I went into the sanctuary. For me, there is something so wonderful about being in this place all by myself. In the stillness and silence, I feel calmed and strengthened. In the absence of other people, I feel not at all alone, the presence of the Spirit surrounds and fills me. It seems an incredible blessing to feel so entirely at home, with such a sense of belonging, in this amazing and awesome place of worship.

While enjoying my commune with God in the beautiful sanctuary this morning, I snapped some photos. Continue on to view those...

That is a photo I took a couple years ago of River Phillip in Cumberland County, NS. I was just looking at it and thought of Proverbs 27:19. (No, I don't have the bible memorized, the words just came into my head, and I googled them to find the passage!)

I am quite fascinated with all the different versions of the bible (it is uber easy to look them up on sites such as BibleGateway.) I find that the various translations range from very subtle differences in wording to "wow, are these even the same book??" Often it's the latter instances that open the door to a better understanding though, because I have to stop and really think about the underlying meaning in order to figure out how the different translations can possibly be related.

Here are three translations of Proverbs 27:19. Interesting that The Message version seems so internally focussed, while the others seem more about relationships with others. (I love the NRSV version myself.)

Proverbs 27:19 (The Message)

Just as water mirrors your face,
so your face mirrors your heart.

Proverbs 27:19 (New Revised Standard Version NRSV)

Just as water reflects the face,
so one human heart reflects another.

Proverbs 27:19 (Contemporary English Version)

You see your face in a mirror

and your thoughts

in the minds of others.

As I was looking at The Message version of Proverbs 27, I saw also these lines:

14 If you wake your friend in the early morning by shouting "Rise and shine!" It will sound to him more like a curse than a blessing.

...which literally made me burst out laughing!! It so reminds me of a recent story told by a friend of mine (which person shall remain nameless for the sake of privacy...lol) about her best friend/roommate through university, who evidently understood that any real human interaction before 11am in the morning was just wrong. My response to that last part was "uh oh, I must suck as a friend then, 'cause I've come barging in your door at 7:30am looking for coffee & conversation!" She claimed otherwise, but now I know she was secretly cursing me for arriving at such an ungodly hour... ;)

Proverbs 27:9 (The Message)

Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight,
a sweet friendship refreshes the soul.

...who wants to see/hear me sing?

In yesterday's entry, I mentioned that I was singing another solo in church on Sunday. And I also mentioned that I was hoping to drag my husband along with the DVD cam to record my 'performance', so I can share it with you in a future entry. What's the problem?? you ask. Well...the problem is that Dave does not go to church...ever. I have joked with fellow choir members that he is my imaginary husband. (Ok, he has gone a handful of times over the years, but truly is a rare occurence for him to darken the doors of my sanctuary.) All I've managed to get out of him so far is "if I go, I'll bring the DVD cam"...

Candi left this comment:

"re your solo, maybe we can start signing a petition for Dave to go video tape you. Do you think this will work?"

I thought Hey, great idea!!! So this is where you all come in...if you would enjoy watching a video of my upcoming solo, please leave a comment, between now and Sunday morning, as a way of signing my petition. Maybe if enough people are interested in seeing me sing, we can convince Dave to come and record me! :)

Oh and just so you know...I'm really not all that talented ;) I just like to sing, and usually do so with joy. So this will be the church equivalent of "open mike night" at the local karaoke bar and not a polished performance. Thought it was only fair that I warn you before you sign your name in expectation of great entertainment!

As a little girl, I spent hours listening to my Mom's and my Aunt Phyllis's record albums. I grew up with Leonard Cohen, the Beatles, the Stones, Janis Joplin, Johnny Cash, the list goes on. Simon & Garfunkel's Bridge Over Troubled Water was (and is) one of my favourite songs in the world. The message of a friend who walks beside you, who lifts you up, who offers encouragement and unconditional support through times of trouble, really speaks to my heart. When my daughters were little, I used to sing this song to them as we had our bedtime cuddle in the rocking chair. It's also one of the few songs I can play on the piano (I can't play it very well, mind you, but I can play it...at least well enough to make myself happy!)

I was reminded of the song this morning as I read an email from a friend of mine...so I am listening to it now while holding her in my heart with love and prayer:

♥ ♥ "If you need a friend ... I'm sailing right behind" ♥ ♥

Full lyrics:

A friend at work sent this prayer to me this morning. I read it, got a little veklempt, and gave her a hug of thanks for making my day. :)

Of course I immediately had to share this lovely prayer with my best friend (who shall remain nameless for sake of privacy...lol) because the line "beautiful, classy and strong" was obviously written with her in mind, although I would also add amazing and full of grace. Just saying...

Now I pass it along to all of my wonderful blog friends, because don't we all like to feel that someone is thinking of us?!?! (I know it lifts me up and warms my heart to feel that way!)
Ti voglio bene ♥

Dear God:
The lady reading this is beautiful, classy and strong, and I love her. Help her live her life to the fullest. Please promote her and cause her to excel above her expectations. Help her shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her at all times, lift her up when she needs you the most, and let her know when she walks with you, she will always be safe.

As promised...here is the video (thanks Dave!!) of me singing in church this morning! Have to say the quality sucks. The original video was fairly decent, but in the conversion and upload onto youtube, clearly much of the visual aspect got lost in translation. The audio is not half bad though. Surprisingly, I am not completely embarrassed by this video :)

[Edited to add: I am only do the singing, someone else is playing the piano]

In recognition of African Heritage Month, during the month of February, the Office of African Nova Scotian Affairs circulated weekly samplings of African Nova Scotian history to all government employees. The final one included a link to the site Afriprov.org, which contains some really cool African proverbs and stories. While browsing the site, I found the following story and absolutely love it! A wonderful reminder that encounters with the Spirit are not restricted to places of worship or times of formal prayer.

A sharing...a smile...open hearts...connection to the divine within. What a beautiful message.

I Had Lunch With God

NOTE: When Mary Magdalene meets Jesus in the garden she first thinks he is the gardener. Then she says, "I have seen the Lord." Yes, Jesus comes to us in disguise. But how often do we recognize him? How often can we say: "I have seen the Lord.

A little African boy wanted to meet God. He knew that it was a long trip to where God lived. So he packed his suitcase with small cakes and a six-pack of soda and started his journey. When he had gone about three blocks he met an old woman. She was sitting in the park just staring at some birds. The boy sat down next to her and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his can of soda when he noticed that the old lady looked hungry so he offered her a small cake. She gratefully accepted it and smiled at him. Her smile was so pretty that the boy wanted to see it again. So he offered her a soda. Again she smiled at him. The boy was delighted!

The little African boy and the old woman sat there all afternoon eating and drinking and smiling, but they never said a word. As it grew dark the boy realized how tired he was and he got up to leave. But before he had gone more than a few steps he turned around, ran back to the old woman and gave her a big hug. She gave him her biggest smile ever.

When the boy opened the door to his own house a short time later, his mother was surprised by the look of joy on his face. She asked him, "What did you do today that made you so happy?" He replied, "I had lunch with God." But before his mother could respond he added, "You know what? She’s got the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen!"

Meanwhile the old woman, also radiant with joy, returned to her home. Her son was stunned by the look of peace on her face and he asked: "Mother, what did you do today that made you so happy?" She replied, "I ate small cakes and drank soda in the park with God." However, before her son could respond she added, "You know, he’s much younger than I expected."
(East Africa adaptation of a universal story)

Another of the many beautiful banners in my church:

Today's entry is courtesy of my dear friend, the lovely and talented Reverend Valerie.

She sends a weekly email to our congregation as a way of keeping in touch between Sundays. I found this week's message incredibly uplifting, both Gibran's words from The Prophet (an amazing book) and Valerie's own reflections.

I forwarded the email to a couple women at work, one of whom said: "now I totally get why you two connect, this so reminds me of you, it's like something I'd read on your blog." And it is something she'd read on my blog because I share it here with you now!

Valerie's email:

Good morning one and all!

Kahlil Gibran writes “Where shall you seek beauty, and how shall you find her unless she herself be your way and your guide? And how shall you speak of her except she be the weaver of your speech?

In winter say the snow-bound, 'She shall come with the spring leaping upon the hills.' And in the summer heat the reapers say, ‘We have seen her dancing with the autumn leaves, and we saw a drift of snow in her hair.’ All these things have you said of beauty, yet in truth you spoke not of her but of needs unsatisfied. And beauty is not a need but an ecstasy. It is not a mouth thirsting nor an empty hand stretched forth, but rather a heart inflamed and a soul enchanted. It is not an image you would see nor a song you would hear, but rather an image you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears. Beauty is life when life unveils her holy face. But you are life and you are veil. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a mirror but you are an eternity and you are the mirror.”

As I sat at my desk this morning and the sun shone through my office widow I picked up “The Prophet” and this is what it fell open to. I was particularly struck by the line, “a heart inflamed and a soul enchanted”, and as I read there was a peaceful feeling that filled my being. I was reminded that there is beauty all around and inherent in our daily life. What a blessing! Sometimes that beauty is revealed in a simple smile that touches the soul; a hug that communicates belonging; the sun shining; or the rain coming. Perhaps is in the words that are spoken between friends or strangers. Perhaps it is in the silence of the moment. But most importantly is the reminder that each of us is beauty.

Blessings

Valerie

[By the way, I edited out the announcements and notices...pretty sure the weekly goings on in our church community would not be all that interesting to most of those reading my blog! Although I could take this chance to remind Lynn and Mom to stay for our annual meeting after the service on Sunday...lol]

I was reading the recent press releases on the United Church of Canada website, and came to one that began as follows:

We Cannot Shop Our Way to Prosperity, Says Moderator

Toronto: In an open letter to Canadians about the world’s economic situation, the Moderator of The United Church of Canada, the Right Rev. David Giuliano, delivers a message of hope tempered with resolve.

The rest of the release simply summarized the open letter, so instead of including the full press release, I will post Rev. Giuliano's entire letter (the bolding within the letter is mine, I just wanted to highlight a couple of lines that really struck me as I was reading):

Statement in Response to the Economic Crisis

An open letter to Canadians from the Moderator of The United Church of Canada

Recently it was announced in the small town where I live that the mill is closing down. Everyone here—builders to bakers, teachers to preachers—works directly or indirectly for the mill or the already vanishing mines. A spirit of dread and anxiety is settling among us. It feels like a microcosm of what is happening to the economy across the country and around the world.

But we are not alone. Times of crisis can call out the best in human nature. During periods of war and the Great Depression, our grandparents bought bonds, rationed, rolled bandages, bundled clothes, helped their neighbours, and learned to distinguish between needs and wants. They pulled together as a nation. Solving the current economic crisis will also require our best.

Canadians are hurting. Our global neighbours are reeling. The economic situation is the harbinger of discomfort for some and of catastrophic suffering for others.

Canadian families are living with uncertainty, anxiety, and severe stresses that fray the bonds of relationships, harm physical and psychological health, and intensify social problems. Debt is rising. Savings are shrinking. Line-ups at foodbanks and shelters are getting longer.

We have a moral responsibility to care for those most affected—here and around the world. To do otherwise would be a marked departure from our identity as Canadians.

I came home today and found an email in my inbox with the subject "An Opportunity?..." The first line was "I wonder if you would consider the following..." Uh oh, I thought...why do I have the feeling I'm about to hear God calling?

Here's the email:

Anne -

I wonder if you would consider the following...

The Thing about Youth Ministry ....

Do you know that in past few years we had to turn down youth interested in attending Intermediates at Conference? For the past two years the Planning Team have worked out systems to make it possible to double the number of participants this year. Do you know that over the past two years we have nearly doubled the number of male participants? The Planning Team is ready. Early indications show the youth are applying in good numbers.

However, in order to accept 120 youth we need 20 facilitators. At present we have 8 applications. We need more applications for facilitators and especially from men. Please give this some thought.

Think about people who have the gifts to work with youth. Some people think you have to be a young adult to be a good facilitator. Yes, we want young adults. And we also want people of any age who have the energy, openness and desire to be a small group leader.

You will find more information and Facilitator applications online at: marconf.ca/forms (scroll down)

The thing about youth ministry .... We have the youth, we need the leadership.

I know you may want to give [M*] her "space" at IaC, and if you would agree to apply as a Facilitator (and become one, 'cause who in their right mind is going to refuse you?!), we can be sure to have [M*] in a different Home Group, etc.

Let me know what you think. I think you'd do an awesome job!
Janice