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Home is where?

Having made the decision to sell my current home and buy a newer one, I'm faced with the ever-changing emotions that go with this decision...
"Oh, damn! Maybe I shouldn't have done this!"
"Brenda, why can't you just be happy with what you have?"
"You realize how much work this moving thing is?"
SHUT UP, voices in my head...I know what I am doing...

Still, they niggle away at me in the quiet times, when I'm planning the landscaping of the back yard, the layout of the tree beds, the rugs for the living room...

What makes these voices creep up on a person? I think it's like anything else we do...when we begin, we don't have all the information we need at that time. The information comes, in dribs and drobs, as we proceed along the path of whatever it is we are undertaking. So, the not knowing, not having all the facts makes us a little unsure, a bit insecure and maybe a tad scared of this new pathway in our lives.

I've lived a lot of my years as a single mom, with 2 young children to take care of, feed, clothe, parent and provide a roof over our collective heads, as we managed to live an incredibly normal family life, considering the obstacles to that desired reality. I've also lived since then with that dreaded "single mom on welfare" syndrome, I think. There has never been a time in my life when I didn't have to struggle for enough money to feed and clothe everyone. In spite of that kind of poverty, I've also never given up trying, working, searching...looking for something better for me and my family.

From a stay-at-home mom, to a full-time working mom, sometimes holding down 3 jobs to make ends meet, I've become a really strong, very determined and forward thinking person...I'm not content to sit, waiting to have my ship sail into the harbour and some handsome captain rush up and rescue me...instead, I jump into a dingy and row out as far as I have to, in order to meet my ship halfway.

So it is with this new home...I have been struggling with the list of renos needed on my current home, and finally got it that there's a better way. All the renos that I was planning to incorporate into this great old house I live in are already present in this new home, so why not move there? That way, I don't have to spend all that $$$$ on hardwood flooring, new appliances ('cause mine are 30 years old), a much-longed -for fireplace, ('cause this new house has 2 of them) and the totally incomprehensible living in reno-hell for 6 - 10 months....argggghhhhh!

Then, an emergency trip to the QEII Hospital in Grande Prairie for a suspected blood clot in my leg changed my perspective a whopping 180 degrees. On the trip home from the hospital, after having prayers answered and finding out it was NOT what I dreaded, I thought to myself, "WHY are you planning this agonizingly long renovation process? Buy that other house...it has everything you want and need and its only 10 months old!"

I'm not suggesting it was as cut and dried as that, but within the length of time it took me to drive home...about 2 hours...I'd formulated my plan! As I pulled into my driveway, I was already seeing the wisdom of this new idea! All it took for me to lick the envelope and stick it shut on this idea was a 3 hour talk with a good friend of mine who is a realtor and has been a bank manager for 11 years. By the time our conversation was over, the new idea became a reality, I called the owners of this new home who have it listed with me for sale, and asked them, "Would you mind if I bought your home?"

Needless to say, they were delighted! They have built this home with extreme care, added in a lot of extra features that most homes do not have and finished it in an incredibly professional way. I'm delighted, because all I have to do is pack and move several blocks away!

Today, while I was wrapping my cherub collection and emptying the old armoire that holds my cookbooks, I was thinking about those negative voices that plagued me for a few days after I made this decision. Strangely enough, they are incredibly silent today! That's a miracle in itself, 'cause they were shouting at the top of their collective lungs for a few days...

I'm going back to finish packing the fric 'n frac in the kitchen now, and I'm also waiting for the appraiser to arrive this evening. I'm paying for an appraisal and I'll sell the house for the appraised value...that way, there is no chance of anyone buying the house and feeling like they paid too much...

hmmmmm....no voices....must mean that I finally have all the facts!

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This page contains a single entry from the blog posted on June 26, 2005 12:02 PM.

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