Spanx...that little creation that has evolved from pantihose into footless pantihose, and now has morphed into bike-shorts-style power panties that control all of the wiggly bits and smooth out all of your lumpy bits, so you look fab in whatever clothing you are wearing at the moment.
I bought a pair today.
At J Michael's in Southgate.
I talked with my sales person about sizing, and according to my weight and height, there is a predetermined size for me.
I bought a pair.
I spent the better portion of 30 minutes trying to get them on, then trying to pull them up, then trying to pull them down, to keep them from rolling up at the legs and down at the waist.
I think they have a life of their own.
I thought maybe that being new, they needed a bit of breaking in, like too-tight shoes, which you should NEVER buy because they NEVER get properly broken in and you end up chucking them into the nether regions of the closet, so you don't have to look at them and feel that never-worn new-shoe waste-of-cash guilt every time they catch your eye.
I thought maybe...
After spending about 15 minutes walking around the house wearing them, sitting down on the sofa in them and having the legs roll up and the waist roll down, I think now that the size chart is off by a size and a half.
I need bigger Spanx!
Oprah claims to wear them every single day.
Either hers fit much better than mine or she's not coming clean with us, because no one in their right mind would suffer through an entire day wearing these little goobers, if they aren't a better fit than mine.
What to do, what to do?
I Googled Spanx.
I found the contact info and sent them a kind but steely and determined message, expressing my displeasure as well as my physical discomfort with their product. Time will tell if anyone responds to my plea for help...for a larger size...for anything but more suffering like the last 30 minutes of my over-stuff-edness.
Better get some.
That's what their legions of fans will tell you.
Hmmmmm, better get some, but in the right size, is all I have to say.
" ...don't worry, we've got your butt covered!" TM Spanx