Funny Ha-ha! Archives

November 24, 2007

Secret Investment Tips for 2007

Maybe I shouldn't give you some of these, because it will be giving away my trade secrets for making a million before I'm 30! However, being the generous soul that I am, I'm going to step out on a limb and give you these amazing insider investment bonanzas for next year...
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.

Watch for these consolidations in 2007.

1.) Hale Business Systems and Mary Kay Cosmetics and Fuller Brush and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become:
Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.

2.) PolygramRecords, Warner Bros. and ZestaCrackers join forces and become:
Poly, Warner Cracker.

3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become:

4. ZippoManufacturing, AudiMotors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become:
ZipAudiDoDa .

5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become:

6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:
Fairwell Honeychild.

7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:

8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become:
Knott NOW!

Don't tell anyone else about these...this way, only you and I will be richer than we can imagine!

"The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket." ~ Frank Hubbard

February 21, 2008

Estate Planning

Jerry was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, 'but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

February 25, 2008

The Hinterland Spider...or Doin' It On Drugs!

CBC has a cool little video that the programmers insert at the end of any TV program to fill in the space til the next program begins, to educate us about the beauty of our wildlife, flora and fauna, and the necessary protection of that wildlife.

Those video inserts are called 'Hinterland: Who's Who.'

Here's a little satirical look at those video clips. This is called Hinterland: What's What.

February 29, 2008

Mrs. Hughes...hilarious!

I found this delightful comedienne in an e-mail form a friend. She makes me laugh, every single time I watch her! Hope you enjoy her portrayal of life!

October 12, 2008

Why Women Need Catalogs...

My baby sister sent this to me this week...
I laughed out loud for a few minutes, then showed it to Miss Crystal, my front office manager...
She also found it amusing and said, "This is what goes on in my home!"

November 16, 2008

Body Stats...

Body Statistics
It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.
One human hair can support 3 kg (6 lb).
The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.
Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.
A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.
There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.
Women blink twice as often as men.
The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.
Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.
If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.
Women reading this will be finished now.
Men who read this are probably still busy checking their thumbs.

December 3, 2008

Good Morning Ha-ha For Your Day...

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time.

After inquiring about each other's health one asked how the other's husband was doing.

"Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend "What did you do?"

"Opened a can of peas instead."

May 16, 2009

Neil Armstrong Had a Secret...

Neil Armstrong on the moon's surface
Photo credit - NASA

Neil Armstrong had a secret. As commander of the Apollo 11 lunar module, on July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to earth and heard by millions. But, just before he re-entered the lunar module, he made the egnimatic remark, "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!"

Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.

Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky!" statement meant, but he always just smiled, not answering the question.

On July 5th, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky has passed, so Neil felt he could now answer the question.

In 1938, when he was a small kid in a mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in his backyard. His friend hit the ball which landed in his neighbour's yard, by their bedroom window. His neighbours were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.

As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky.
"Sex? You want sex? You'll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"

Neil Armstrong's footprint on the moon's surface
Photo credit - NASA

June 10, 2009

My Favorite Cat Cartoons...

Someone sent me this animated short video of a typical cat and his sleeping human.
I laugh every single time I watch this.
Typical cat!
The artist must have a cat, because he knows intimately the characteristics of a feline.
Check this out...Simon's Cat entertains!

The other day, I found this one:

Cat Rules #67:
The best times to inform humans of your dish's emptiness are when they are unable to ignore you, such as when they are sleeping or on the toilet, or you are in one's lap.
~ Harold Reynolds

June 18, 2009

Extreme Shepherding...

This is hilarious!
I've watched it a few times and it just makes me laugh.
Nothing better than that, I say!

"People, like sheep, tend to follow a leader - occasionally in the right direction."
~ Alexander Chase

July 15, 2009

Odd Shower Curtains...

Here's a funky thing for you to check out...odd shower curtains!
Weird, I know...but look, anyway!

“Everyone who's ever taken a shower has an idea.
It's the person who gets out of the shower, dries off and does something about it who makes a difference.” ~ Nolan Bushnell


July 16, 2009

You Know You Are Living in 2009 When...

You know you are living in 2009 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 or 60 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go back and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : - )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

Welcome to the electronic age, whether you want to be in it or not!

"Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain."
~ J.K. Rowling

July 26, 2009

My Favorite Cat Cartoons...Another One...

Recently, I posted a few cartoons by Simon...cartoons about cats.
This guy KNOWS cats inside and out. He draws their characteristics to perfection.
So, I was delighted, totally and completely, when a friend emailed me Simon's new cartoon!
Here you are...I love sharing these!

Rules for Cats Who Have A House To Run:
#78 When walking among the dishes on the dinner table, be prepared to look surprised and hurt when scolded. The idea is to force your humans to reveal that they tolerate this behavior when company is not there.

This page contains an archive of all entries posted to That's my story...and I'm stickin' to it! in the Funny Ha-ha! category. They are listed from oldest to newest.

Friend of Brenda Discounts! is the previous category.

Give From Your Heart...It's the Only Way! is the next category.

Many more can be found on the main index page or by looking through the archives.

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