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January 23, 2009

The bachelor's diet.

Bachelor's Diet

MONDAY:

BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth
LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox.
AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox
DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw.

TUESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw
LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.
DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's.

WEDNESDAY:

BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's
LUNCH - Rolaids and a coke
DINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps

THURSDAY:

BREAKFAST - Order out for pizza
LUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers.
DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.

FRIDAY:

BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you.
LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder
DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.

SATURDAY:

BREAKFAST - Sleep through it.
LUNCH - Ditto
DINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.

SUNDAY:

BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.
LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch.
DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.

February 10, 2009

Giving more than 100%

I came across this few days back and thought it's very funny. Now keep in mind I am not suggesting anything.LOL. I am just relaying the information to you in case you have not seen this yet. Hope you like it.

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How
about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Continue reading "Giving more than 100%" »

March 7, 2009

Tetanus shot?

A guy,after driving his motorcycle into a guardrail, is escorted into the Emergency Department by a local policeman. As a part of the ED routine, the nurse asked the patient:"So, Mr X,when was the last time you had a tetanus shot?", Mr X:" I don't know about tetanus shots, but I just had four tequila shots."( And he was not kidding.)


July 30, 2009

Little Johnny

My young brother is Johnny, and I always called him little Johnny,so when my friends e-mailed me this with the subject line "Little Johnny", I thought it was about my brother. Well, it is NOT.

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines. Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'

'Very good! And what is it used for?'

'It is used for a headache.'

The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'

'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'

'To help you sleep', replied the student.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'

'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister Catherine.

'It is used for diarrhea.'

'And who told you this, Johnny?'

'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a viagra, and maybe that shit will get harder.''

Sister Catherine fainted.

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