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Today I Try to Breathe

Do you ever have those periods in your life where you feel like a kid on one of those merry go rounds in the park? Not the type with the horses but the kind where all the kids would pile on, and one or two would stay off and spin you around real fast? Do they still make them? Haven't seen them in years.

Anyway, that's how I feel lately. You know you're in trouble when you open your outlook and nine or ten reminders pop up for the day. It's even worse when half of them are overdue. And worse than that, when you know in the back of your mind, about another dozen jumble around screaming at you because you forgot to put them in Outlook to begin with.

That's pretty much we're I'm at, at this moment.

Today's Outlook reminders:

Sammi girl scout overnight - 13 hours overdue. Well that's done. In the frenzy that was our house between 4 and 5 yesterday, we got her packed and shipped off with another Mom who was in charge of taking her to the drop-off point at 6:45, doing us a favor because Chris and I were meeting friends at the Trenton Thunder game last night (their son threw out the first pitch - much fun). Okay - cross that off the list.

Next reminder, Rose's birthday. Okay - cross that off too. As soon as Sammi left, we got Beck into the car (in the recurring "Driving Miss Becky" theme), picked up her friend (whose parents never seem to drive/pick-up), and dropped them at another friend's, whose mother graciously agreed to take all three girls to said party because we were going to the aforementioned Thunder game. Glimpses of surviving these next four years are few and far between.

Shoot - I forgot to post the blog of the week yesterday - need to do that! Well, there are a whole assortment of SlowTrav tasks I need to do. Not to mention, calling Becky's school to discuss scheduling next year, starting a load of laundry, "Driving Miss Becky" to a Bat Mitzvah this morning, calling my friend Mare, who lives near the BM site, and graciously offered to entertain Becky in the hours between the luncheon and the party so we wouldn't have to make four, 90-minute, round-trip drives today (and since we're having dinner with Mare and her husband, we're down to two - yeah - how would we survive without friends)! Anyway, need to remember to call Mare to confirm and give her directions to the synagogue.

Okay - enough of that crap, this entry is supposed to be about slowing down and breathing. When will I do that today? Hopefully during our bike ride. Chris and I are shooting for 60 miles today which is ambitious for me given the 35 miles I did yesterday, plus the heat that today promises but still we're going for it.

I don't want biking to become another thing I have to do; this week it felt like that a few times, to the point, on Thursday, after only doing 30 minutes on the trainer, I got off because it just wasn't "happening" for me. Like sex, there are those rare times (luckily) when you know it just ain't happening, better to stop and cut your losses, feel that way about my riding too. Recovering, mentally from a bad ride/workout is hard. Those bad ones make it hard to do the next one which leads to that never-ending downward spiral of not riding/working out at all.

That's why yesterday's ride was perfect. I did my first group ride, which made me nervous - you know new people, new situation, new kid on the block. But I forced me to do it because I have this new thing about forcing me to do things that intimidate me; little hurdles to get over that really build confidence. Anyway, I figured if Beck could get up in front of a bunch of strangers and audition for a musical on Monday night, I could do this, and I did.

The ride, organized by The Princeton Free Wheelers , started at Village Park in Cranberry at 8:30 in the morning. Most of the other riders were either retired men, or women, like me, who have flexible work schedules. We started out through Cranberry, cut across, route 130 and headed down towards Jackson, stopping at the WaWa on route 537 before returning via Hightstown. Everyone on the ride was nice, at some point pulling up along side me to chat as we rode, and it was a slower pace than Chris and I usually ride, averaging about 14.8mph for the trip, so talking during the ride wasn't difficult. The sun peaked through at times, and I felt fine afterward, a good ride, that left me psyched for today.

Which again brings me back to the 60-miler. That's when I can breathe. We try to hit as many low traffic roads as possible, so it's a good time to enjoy the air, the sun, to think and to breathe with minimal stress and interference. I need to remember that, so it doesn't become something I have to do and stays something I want to do.

I do wish though, I had a way to record my thoughts while riding, to capture those "reminders" for outlook before they disappear when we get home. Oh well. What has to get done, will get done.

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Other Thinks (1)

Gee - I thought that i was the only one who ever felt that way! You have described the anxiety we place on ourselves so well. Who knew Outlook could be so emotion inducing?

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