Just some random things I thought I’d mention. First, the not lifting things is frustrating, not just for me but for Chris. While I skipped bringing the laptop because of it, I think Chris didn’t re-adjust what he brought and has therefore really carried the burden of things.
Most days, I’m just fine but at night, it gets worse. Let’s face it, even though I’m in Italy, it’s always there – waiting. It’s hard to keep those thoughts compartmentalized. I’m reading a book about dealing with Cancer (description and title to follow later – it’s actually pretty good – something like the 5 Lessons I Didn’t Learn from Breast Cancer). She talks about denial being your friend but I’m finding something else helps, forgetfulness, or at least imagination/pretending in that pretending your healthy and aren’t facing months of chemo and a new definition of normal (because, let’s face it, life will never be “normal” again). Anyway though, as much as I am enjoying the book, not a good read right before bedtime.
My boob is healing nicely though, if anyone is interested. The pain has mitigated in both the boob and the arm (didn’t expect as much pain in my arm as I am having), and for the last two nights, I haven’t had to sleep in a bra (did I mention that before?). Also, Chris and I have switched sides of the bed which also helps.
Don’t worry folks, I’m getting plenty of anti-oxidants in my wine ;D.
I’m not sleeping as soundly/deeply as I would like.
I’m not eating as much but I’m not sure if that’s a result of the cancer cross or my changed dietary habits. I’ve been sticking pretty much to one course at our meals with either a shared antipasti, salad or some sort of veggie. Alternating having pasta at one course, and protein at the other has kept me from feeling deprived.
I don’t care that I’ve been walking around in my hiking boots and may be striking a “bruta figura.” I have fucking cancer, so I could give a flip what anyone thinks about me; I want to be comfortable.
I didn’t get to prepare for this trip as much as I would have liked as the three weeks pre-trip were consumed with something else. So my Italian sucks as I never had the chance (or took the chance) to refresh it, I forgot all my jewelry, I forgot some directions, I have no perfume, I have no watch, I never cleaned my fountain pen, I forgot to call the Lepinsky’s to arrange carpool next Sunday (which of course, now I need to do from here), well you get the idea. Complete loss of focus.