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The Journey to Good Health Archives

April 18, 2004

So It Begins

Last night I had a bad dream. Well it was bad until I turned into Tom Hanks just before he left for the island in Castaway - as if he intended to....anyway I digress.

In my dream I opened an envelope from my Gynecologist. It contained all sorts of test results from my last exam - why the Gynecologist was testing this stuff I don't know but anyway, the results freaked me out.

I can't remember everything because it's that way with dreams but I do remember my cholestral landed at a whopping 835 points and I had a spot on my heart and lung - go figure. Scared the shit out off me.

Unfortunately though it's not too far from the truth. Well, not so much the numbers because I'm thinking if you have 800+ cholestral, you're probaby dead but I'm here to tell you that I'm not in the best of shape (to put it mildly).

So for those of you who thought this category dealt with travel well, I hate to disappoint. It's not. I'm not going "anywhere" through this writing, just hopefully to a healthier me.

May 5, 2004

Treadmill Going No Where

Sometimes I think the hardest part about getting changing your lifestyle (e.g., eating healthy, exercising, getting plenty of rest) is getting started. Well at least that's how it looks from here in the cheap seats where every day I start out with the best of intentions.

Today will be the day I start. Jeez, if I had a dollar for every time I said that, well I'd have a couple hundred.

Okay - so one more time today is the day!

May 6, 2004

I Did It Again

Okay - I really don't feel like working today but I don't feel like blogging either. Yet given the choice, I'd rather blog than work.

So just a little note about my early morning screw up. Woke with a major headache today and actually went to bed with it last night. It's a sinus thing and here in NJ I'd wager most of the population is suffering this week with a sinus thing.

So how did I screw up? I'm a big baby. I won't take pills with water - it has to be with juice. I know. I know. Really - I'm not that big a baby except when it comes to this (chalk it up to being a sickly child). Anyway, I took two advil this morning with some ruby red grapefruit juice. You know the kind, not the real stuff but the stuff that's only 30% juice and the rest that high fruitcose corn syrup crappy stuff.

Anyawy - 260 calories - 5 points later, I'm just sitting around waiting for my blood sugar to crash and the real craving/food binge to begin.

May 12, 2004

Procrastination....is making me wait

Did you ever notice how procrastination is the best friend to the person needs to change. Because you get to have all the best intentions while not having all the work.

That's the mode I've been in for weeks now. I get to think about exercising and eating healthy but I don't actually have to do it.

Funny thing though, my clothes aren't fitting any better using this methodology.

Here's the Goal

I want to lose 68 pounds or reach size 10 (whichever comes first) by Labor Day 2005. For size 10 purposes - we'll use LL Bean as my guide.

I'm putting it into this context because I honestly have no idea what size I'll be when I lose 68 pounts but I'm thinking somewhere between a 10 and a 12.

Here are the other things I want to accomplish by the end of this:

  • I want to run a 5K race
  • I want to ride my bicycle from one end of LBI to the other
  • I want to change the way I think about food - I'm no shrink, doctor or dietician but I know food needs to become a means to the end - not the be all end all - this one will be real tough!
I'm sure I'll add to this list as things progress.

Here's the Plan

Here are the things I'm going to do to help me get there:

  • I'm going to track everything I eat and drink on a daily basis (this has to be for the good or the bad)
  • I will eat at least 3 servings of vegetables a day and 2 servings of fruit (a good variety of both)
  • I will eat fish at least 2-3 times a week
  • I will exercise at least 2 1/2 hours a week (which works out to 30 minutes a day for 5 days). This one's going to be fluid though because I want to work it up to 5 hours a week eventually (including weight training).
  • I will drink 8 glasses of fluids (mostly water) a day
  • I will weigh a measure my food until I get a firm grip on what proper portion size means
  • I will record my exercise each day.
I'm figuring the above list will be fluid too b/c I have to learn as I go.

Some tools I'm going to use:

I've mentioned I'll be using the old Weight Watchers Point system (put trademark symbol here) just b/c it will give me a good idea of the quantity of food I can eat on a daily basis.

I'm also reading Dr. Phil's book - not sure about this but I'm curious as to what he has to say. I want to finish this by Memorial Day Weekend.

May 13, 2004

So It Begins....Again

Well, it's 7:00 AM and I'm off to the right start. I measured my cheerios this morning into a little zip loc bag. Normally, I just pour them in until it looks like enough. When I measured, I realized 1 Cup wasn't enough but the 2 Cups I ended up with is probably too much. Tomorrow, I'll compromise with 1 1/2 cups.

Anyway - as I said, I want to lose 68 pounds by Labor Day Weekend 2005. With that kind of time frame and it's easy to get lost and do the starts and stops we've already talked about.

So, I'm making a schedule with interim goals and rewards. Here - check this out - it's the weight goal/reward table:









GoalDue DateReward
10 Pounds July 8, 2004Morning at B&N
20 Pounds Sept 16, 2004Day in NYC (Sans Children)
30 Pounds Nov 11, 2004Massage
40 Pounds Jan 20, 2005
50 Pounds Mar 31, 2005
60 Pounds June 9, 2005
68 Pounds Sept 1, 2005

You get the gist - I need to think up some more rewards and I also want to come up with corresponding fitness goals. Oh and there are some rules/guidelines for this:

1. Rewards obviously can't be food oriented (i.e., no going out to dinner)
2. Clothing will not be a reward - heck if you drop 20 pounds, 30, 40 pounds etc., it should go without saying that you'll need new clothing.

That's it for the moment - I want to check my e-mail and catch up on my boards (not to mention work) but I'll probably be back later.

May 14, 2004

One Bad Morning

Did you ever have one of those mornings?

First, I tried to log onto my work computer from home b/c next week I get to work home one day (school graduation - no parking - all non-essential personal should schedule off site meeting type of thing). I couldn't get on-line - either our modem or router was down. So I trapse (sp) downstairs (to the basement) to giggle cords and bank boxes until I see the lights flash again. Then I trapse back upstairs and sign on to the Internet.

Next, I try to get into the system but I keep getting an Invalid Password Message. I'm pretty sure now that my password needs to be reset yet again but also that something's probably not working correctly.

On the food front though, I started off on the right foot. I packaged my cheerios, took a container w/ some mixed fresh vegies (carrots, grape tomatoes, cucumber) and grabbed a Columbo Raspberry Yogurt (Columbo gives you an extra 2 ounces over Dannon - it's not so much as the quantity as the principle. Dannon reduced the size of their containers but didn't reduce the price - as if we wouldn't notice)! I also made myself another tuna fish sandwich for lunch.

BTW - I make my tuna fish sandwich w/ Smart Balance mayo (1T = 10 calories and no fat) which isn't really half-bad.

Anyway, as I'm driving to work, my cell phone rings. I hate when my cell phone rings while I'm driving. Especially at that hour b/c I'm thinking, one of the kids is sick. So I'm cruisin' down the road at 55 mph - debating whether I should let my voice mail pick it up or if I should answer - and at the same time, I'm blindly digging through my pocketbook searching for the stupid thing.

Another thought, we have this thing all wrong. We shouldn't have tiny cell phones but darn big ones so their easy to grab w/o taking your eyes off the road. Of course, in 6 weeks it won't matter here b/c it will be illegal to talk and drive at the same time.

Anyway, I finally grab the thing, of course, just as the ringer cuts out. Figures, but before I can put it down it starts again. Uh oh - emergency. I glance at the caller ID - sure enough - it's home.

"Hello?"

"Hey," It's not Peggy though, the woman who watches the girls for me in the morning, it's Chris. Chris, who was leaving right after me but obviously didn't. Chris, who knows I hate talking on the cell phone while I'm driving. So I give him the standard response, "What?" Yes - read that with the nastiest inflection possible.

"You left your lunch on the counter (that nice tuna sandwhich I'd made), I'll drop it by on my way in."

"You'll go out of your way like that?"

"Sure, I know you're having a bad morning."

Man....do I feel bad - what a nice guy. Of course, he'll probalby want sex tonight in return ;) but what the heck.

On any normal morning, or day, that would have been an excuse to buy something horribly fattening for breakfast as a recourse (as in, well, I don't have my healthy lunch, so I might as well stop at Starbucks for a Cinnamon Chip Scone). Which, of course, would have led to I had that cinnamon chip scone for breakfast, so I might as well have fully loaded nachos for lunch - well you get the idea.

Don't get me wrong, I still really want those fully loaded nachos for lunch, but for now, I'm going to start munching on my cheerios and hope the reasons I'm doing this returns to me before it's time for lunch.

May 17, 2004

I'm Hungry

Okay - I'm not really sure if I'm hungry or if I just feel like eating - know what I mean? I'm thinking it's more like I feel like eating - "hungry in my throat"

Only thing is I forgot to bring some fruit with me this morning, which is what I'd normally reach for. I could have my yogurt but I'm already at 4 points for this morning and I have a decent size lunch....I know I'm being wishy-washy.

I'm drinking some coffee, hoping that takes the edge off but it's really not working. Times like these I wonder - do other people, normal fit people, get these "cravings" or do they really stay satisfied from breakfast to lunch? Maybe they just stay occupied? I am working pretty diligently - other than my sneak away to post this stuff but still....

You know - I wonder about what other people, without weight issues do. The woman, who sits behind me at work, arrives every morning with neat little packets of pre-measured food, a sandwich, some chips, a vegetable, some sliced apple - I think she brings enough to have something almost every hour she's here. Maybe that's an idea? Of course, she also brings two cans of coca-cola - which is definitely a big no-no for me. Yet she's still pretty fit.

Wow - 11:00 - now I'm starting to have real hunger but I'm eating lunch at 11:30 today, so hopefully I can make it.

May 18, 2004

The Problem With Scales

I don't own a very good scale. It's the old-fashioned kind that has the spin around dial (my good is to get it to not spin around more than once - which of course gives you a hint as to how overweight I am)...anyway, I digress.

The problem with this scale or any scale is it's availability. I have a tendency to get on the scale each morning when I'm in a healthy kick. It's a great thing when the scale shows me down a substantial amount (like on Saturday when it said I was down 3 pounds), but it's lousy on a morning like today when it shows me down only two.

Forget the fact that intellectually I know your body weight can fluctuate as much as 5 pounds within the day. Forget the fact that scale placement on my floor can affect a reading. Forget the fact that the difference could be pre-shower and post-shower - it just shows a pound gain and it's discouraging.

I need to find a way to limit my scale fix to once a week. Don't think I could survive more than that.

May 20, 2004

Week One Results

Lost 3 pounds - but man I need to start exercising!

May 25, 2004

Healthy Living Without Exercise Is Just a Diet

Still no exercise. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy exercising it just feels as if lately I really do have no time. I'd love to hear back from working mothers who work out everyday. When do you do it?

I'm up at 5:15 to just get done what I need to do before I leave for work at 6:30 - things like make my lunch, move a load of laundry along, maybe sort laundry, feed and walk the dog, straighten up a bit and shower, dress and then I'm gone.

When I get home, it feels as if I'm always too tired or too busy - just doing normal stuff.

Do I need to get up at 4:45 (which would put me to sleep by 9:00) or do I need to put other things on hold when I get home, give me a kick in the butt and get moving? But what about the kids play dates, afterschool activity and general errands I need to take care of - I just don't know......

I do know, I need to figure this out!

May 26, 2004

We Have Exercise!

Yep - I did thirty minutes on my lifecycle yesterday at level 6 - bummed about that because I was fast approaching level 7 when last I rode. Still - level 6 doesn't suck. That translates, in its terms, to 10.8 miles and about 220 calories burned - cool. I started with the hill routine - got a foot cramp, changed shoes and so finished with the random routine (a nice change of pace) - felt good and I'm looking forward to doing it again this afternoon.

I also did 3 sets of 10 reps of bicep curls and tricep thingies (you know where you lift the dumbell above and behind your head - I need to do these in front of a mirror so I don't clunk myselves).

I know there are people out there who hate the idea of doing cardio "indoors" but I prefer to take the attitude that the important thing is to get moving wherevever and however your schedule and lifestyle allows. So when no one is home to watch the girls early in the morning, it will be indoor exercise for me. Though, now that Chris is back, I may set the alarm for early tomorrow morning (weather permitting) and go for a pre-sunrise walk.

Takes a lot to get my fat ass moving but once I do, I'm pretty good about keeping it moving.

May 27, 2004

Week 2 Results

Down 1 more pound - given my jump earlier this week, I'll take that!

Drum Roll.....

Grand Total = 4 pounds....now if I just don't blow it while we're in Orlando this weekend.

May 28, 2004

You Deserve It

As I was packing up my food for the day, I debated bringing my multi-grain cheerios or stopping at Dunkin Donuts instead for coffee and well ... something. I figured it was a good opportunity to stop since I had to go to the bank this morning to get cash for our trip, and my alternate route would take me past a Dunkin Donuts. As I was debating with myself, I heard a voice say, "C'mon, you deserve it."

Alright, don't panic. I'm not Schyzo (sp). But did it ever feel like two people arguing inside you? In Judaism, there's are terms (Hebrew or Yiddish - I can't remember) for the Good Inclination or the Evil Inclination.

In my mind, I always picture them like the old Bugs Bunny cartoons when Bugs would have a tiny version of himself, dressed as an angel, telling him to leave Elmer Fudd alone, and another tiny version of him, dressed as a devil, convinncing him to clunk Elmer in the head.

That's how I felt this morning - too tiny (yes in my delusions I can be tiny) versions of me arguing the merits of stopping for that donut, scone, muffin, whatever and not stopping.

You Deserve It.

It took a moment for my good guy (well, at least I think it's the good guy otherwise this entire healthy living scenario is a big dupe), to ask "How do I deserve a donut?" "Why do I deserve tight pants?" "Why do I deserve panting to walk up the steps?"

That pretty much shut up ol' evil-doer until she came back with - "ah well, you're going away for the weekend tonight, and you're going to blow it then anyway, so you might as well start now."

Ouch.

I may "blow it" this weekend. I may not but I'm not letting that little pipsqueak get the best of me ..... at least not at the moment.

June 4, 2004

Week 3 Results

No Change

But heck, given the weekend I had, I'm happy to come out of it the same.

June 16, 2004

Week 4 Results

Lost another pound - (for a total of five pounds) I know, I'm late in posting but I've gotten way behind in everything. Hope to catch up soon.

June 17, 2004

I Want Something Sweet

I'm so tired; I can barely keep my eyes open. Do you know what I can really go for, a chocolate crossaint ..... or cinnamon scone ..... or something along those lines. When I get exhausted I want stuff like that - aw heck I just want to eat.

Oh and my coffee wasn't hot this morning - I hate when my coffee's luke warm by the time I get to work. I feel ripped off. Maybe I'll walk over to the bagel store, get a cinammon raisin bagel and a hot cup of coffee.

You know what, that actually sounds like it could work for me. I have a snackpack of cottage cheese in the fridge and I could put that atop the bagel. It would be a high point breakfast but definitely better than that chocolate crossiant....well better as in healthier not necessarily better tasting.

I wonder if they have whole wheat bagels - did you ever notice that whole wheat bagels have a sort of slightly sweety nutty taste?

The bagel store by us isn't great. I always say I could make a killing here by opening a bagel store. That could be fun - bagels and muffins in the morning - hot soups in the afternoon - close in the afternoons in the summer (when the kids aren't here anymore). I wonder what's involved in opening a small business like that? I wonder what's involved in baking bagels - maybe I should get a job in a bagel store and see....

Man - got the real stream of conciousness rolling this morning. Again, exhaustion lends itself to many strange things.

I'm waiting for Sharon to arrive, to see if she wants a bagel, then off to the bagel store; it's a good compromise.

Week 5 Results

Down another pound - for a whopping grand total of 6 pounds - heck - that's not too shabby.

Oh and this morning I threw out (well donated) a bunch of fat clothes. I have a couple more skirts to go (will do that in a few more weeks) - which I'll get rid of at the end of the summer. I also ordered some pants from LL Bean that will be a bit too tight but should be fine within a few more weeks.

Oh and did I mention I threw my back out 10 days ago - it's better now but it threw a kink in my exercise. I'll be starting again today.

June 23, 2004

How You Can Tell

Do you know how you can tell whether I'm "sticking to program" or not. Simple, if I'm logging my food, I'm doing pretty good. If I'm not, well you can bet I'm gorging on something I shouldn't be.

Take yesterday for example, pretty sure I could have done without that big bucket of stovetop-popped popcorn. Oh well.

June 29, 2004

Week 6 Results

Another 1.5 pounds - it's hard to tell on my scale since it's not digital but I'm thinking that's a good indication. Yipee - 7.5 pounds!

July 1, 2004

Week 7 Results

2.5 Pounds - yeah for me, reached my 10 pound goal a week early. Detect little enthusiasm in that statement? It's cause I'm exhausted.

Do you want to know the real secret to weight loss sucess, have 4 kids ages 8, 9, 10 and 11 living with you and sign them up for swim team. You won't have time to eat.

July 19, 2004

A Conundrum

It's been a while since I've been here and my pants tell the tale but I'll catch up on my exploits later.

Now, I want to discuss a conundrum I have. Chris started to run. When you ask him why, he replies, "Because I feel like running." Okay Forrest, whatever you say.

In the meantime though, you're wondering, what's the problem? Chris has been a couch potato since college; isn't it a good think that he's moving now?

Absolutely.

Chris runs or works out now (he's expanded to the lifecycle on his off days), no matter what. Meaning, it doesn't matter that there's laundry to fold and put a way, a lawn to mow, lightbulbs burned out all over the house, Chris runs/exercises every day and that pisses me off!

It pisses me off because he's allowed to get away with that and I'm not. I'm the one who needs to make sure the laundry gets put away, the kids get fed, etc. He takes off running, and I'm left home doing chores.

But here's the conundrum - the problem - the unanswerable burr in my brain. At the same time I'm angry at him for abandoning me for his new found obsession, I'm totally impressed and respectful of his ability and determination to stick with it. I'm also jealous.

Why can he run off when there's stuff to be done, and I can't? It's not fair. Yet, I think the fact remains, he gets to do it because he's choosing to do it, and I'm not.

So at what point does everyday life go from being an obstacle to overcome to an excuse?

July 26, 2004

You Feel As Good as You Look

Personally, I've never believed that. I'm the kid that would wear the torn jeans to school on the first day much to my mother's chagrin. My reasoning, eventually, the teacher's going to see me in my torn jeans and tee shirt, so it might as well be today. Under the same philosophy, I would stop at a fast food restaurant on the way home from purchasing a new car. My reasoning, eventually, I'm going to eat and drink in my new car, so it might as well be today.

Anyway, applying this philosophy to other areas of life, I'm the person you see walking down the street, or in the gym, or on my lifecycle, in torn, faded, oversized shorts and a stained, torn or faded tee shirt (of some sort). I don't wear my beaten up sneakers any more though because I've learned, you need to be good to your feet.

I could never understand those men and women who could step out of the gym into a fashion magazine with their bright color spandex outfits, mutli-striped shirts, etc. Truth though, I was slightly jealous of them too because in the back of my mind, I figured those types of outfits would never fit me.

Now here comes Chris with his new "get up and go" lifestyle, which, by the way, is shocking all of us. I still think he's hit a mid-life crisis (I mean he's shaved his head, he's working out, he wants sex all the time and he's considering a tatoo - c'mon - who's he trying to kid), but I digress. Chris jogs now (though he'd probably prefer me to call it running). I guess the jogging's not totally surprising because, contrary to current belief, Chris used to be an active guy, playing varsity soccer in High School (nice thighs). It was only after college, that he became the banner boy for couch potatoes.

Anyway....Chris is jogging and what's the first thing Chris does? He goes to the sporting goods store (he prefers Dicks over Models or Sports Authority) and he buys himself a few pairs of jogging shorts and matching shirts (he prefers New Balance). Chris turned into one of them .... the pod people (I won't even mention the preaching he's been doing to me about exercise - perhaps that will be tomorrow's topic).

So Saturday, in the midst of our errands, he wants to stop at Dick's because he needs another pair of jogging shorts and he wants some stuff to get for his bike. Bike? Yep, he's picking up his bike from it's storage place at his aunt's and intends to start riding again (another story here). Okay, I'm game - I'll stop at Dick's with him.

So after we pick out his additional jogging outfit, odometer for his bike, a new bike helmet for me (another topic), a cheap tennis racket and balls for Becky (tennis is the next sport she wants to "try"), we spy some women's work-out clothes on the way to the register and Chris suggests I get some shorts and a top.

Now I'm flushed - why? Because deep down I know (believe) they won't fit and I'll once again be embarrased by my weight. But, cornered, I agree, and tell him to pick out some shorts and matching top in extra large. Peach - he picks peach???!!??? Okay - whatever, it can't be any worse than the Marie Calender's shirt I normally wear to the gym (on some other warped principle) that says, "Life's Short; Eat Dessert First."

We get home, and the new snazzy outfit gets draped over the easy chair (with other assorted clean laundry) hopefully to never be heard from again.

Yesterday, after a huge brunch with the Lehigh Girls at Blue Water Grill, I get home to find Chris wants to take a walk with me - "Oh, and try on the new shorts and stuff we bought," he says. Gulp.

So - I do - and you know what? The shorts fit and they're darn comfortable. The top's too tight to wear in public, but it felt pretty good when I wore it in the privacy of my bedroom this morning to do the lifecycle.

I went to LL Bean this morning and purchased some oft desired bike shorts and snazzy yellow and black striped top - who knows - if these fit, this could be a whole new world - life with the pod people. But I'll tell you one thing, it felt darn good walking with my husband yesterday in my new peach walking shorts.

August 10, 2004

The Captain and Me

I mentioned in yesterday's food log how a sweet cold cereal can ruin me every time.....my personal favorite is Captain Crunch - straight out of the box or with a big bowl of milk - yumm!!! Actually, my favorite used to be Quisp. Anyone remember Quisp? He was the alien character with the little propeller sticking out of his head. I think Quaker used to make him. Years ago, when we lived in St. Louis, I saw Quisp but it was in the bags of "generic" cereal and it wasn't called Quisp.

Anyway - so what's my point. Honestly, I don't think I have one today. I just want to relive the moments in my life when it was acceptable to eat sugar and milk for breakfast or to sit on the couch, in front of cartoons, and eat Captain Crunch out of the box. It has to be plain Captain Crunch though - none of that peanut butter stuff. Though sometimes I could get into the one with the berries or even the one with the whale. Now there's something, who remembers the whale one? It had vanilla flavoring. Sometimes I think I dreamed that flavor up along with the yodels that had white icing - oooh boy oh boy.

Now, I eat multi-grain cheerios for breakfast and the last time I had a Yodel...I'd like to say it was years ago but it wasn't. I took Becky to Junior Congregation last winter and the treat (aka oneg) afterwards was Yodels. I didn't eat an entire Yodel, just a small bite of Becky's. I let it sit on my mouth until it practically disintegrated and remembered the days when mom used to keep them in the bread drawer as an acceptable snack.

I miss those days. I miss the "carefreeness" of them before I had to worry about calories, fat and exercise. And as I write, I'd like to get to the point where I could say I'm much happier now and feel much better now that I workout and eat food that's good for me. Truth? I don't. As I write, I've come to the conclusion that once every so often, it should be okay to sit down with a bowl of Captain Crunch or Frosted Flakes, or even a Yodel and a glass of milk. I'm not saying every day - but once or twice a year - it shouldn't be such a big deal....as long as I exercise I little extra to make up for it.

August 12, 2004

Week 13 Results

Well, there aren't any results because I haven't lost any weight since Week 7. On the flip side, I haven't gained anything either. I'm only posting this because I figure you deserve an update. I'm also figuring I need to get my ass in gear!!

Hmmmm....am I allowed to say ass here. Chris's workout regiment though is starting to inspire me; so although I didn't work out yesterday and my alarm didn't go off this morning (power outage), which blew my workout this morning. I'm bound and determined, to make dinner as soon as I get home, make a phone call, and then get on the lifecycle to do my 30 minute work out.

The other thing I'm upto - Chris is entering a 5K walk/run: Gelman Foundation. He's going to run the 5K but Becky and I are going to enter to walk. Sammi may join us. At first I hesitated because book club is at my house that night but I'm figuring - what the heck? You know, what am I waiting for?

August 14, 2004

Top Ten

Last night, at my aunt's, my cousin decided that sloppy Joes "are definitely in the top ten." Now before I go any further, let me clarify Sloppy Joes. We're not talking about the ground beef sandwiches in a tomato based sauce. We're talking Jewish Sloppy Joes, the kind you eat at a bris or a funeral. Corn Beef, Turkey (and I think Roast Beef but it could be something else), slopped with coleslaw on wedged between three thin slices of rye bread slathered with Russian dressing. You'll usually see these on a tray next to a bowl of pickles, olives, peppers and pickled green tomatoes.

Okay - back to our story - the occasion for my cousin's revelation, a family get-together at my aunt's. Originally, she planned a barbeque but with the thread of torrential downpours from the twin storms making their way up the coast (well, actually single storm, since the female petered out), she opted to bring in sloppy joes.

I, of course, promptly agreed with my cousin, but this also led me to contemplate what other foods I might include in my top ten list.....here's what I'm thinking so far - in no particular order:

Warm apple pie w/ chocolate ice cream
Chocolate Chip Cookies
Brownie with a big glass of milk
Hot Dogs (my aunt concurs)
Pizza (again my aunt concurs)
The aforementioned Sloppy Joes
A bowl of chili and cornbread
Stuffed Cabbage
Pasta - prepared almost anyway
Fruit (melons, strawberries, blue berries, peaches, nectarines, grapes, bananas, apples - well anything in season).

Someone else mentioned lasagna but I don't agree besides my pasta catch-all covers it.

As I reviewed my list it occured to me - perhaps this is one (and I say one) of the reasons why I struggle with my weight. Sure, fruit made the list but it barely made it in lieue of the previously discussed Captain Crunch. How could fruit beat out Captian Cruch? Well, simply when it came down to which food could I live w/o for the rest of my life, it was the Captain - I go crazy if I don't eat any fruits for a few days (I start crave del monte canned peaches - scary)!
Okay - anyway, I digressed. Look at that list! Other than the fruit, and maybe the pasta (prepared certain ways) and if we push it my chili with my healthy cornbread are really the only "healthy" things on that list.

Do you see brown rice, whole wheat bread, fish, yogurt - any other stuff I need to regularly eat now on that list? Do you see nachoes smothered with beef and cheese? No, but I blew it yesterday having those for lunch. Figure if I bury that in the middle of this dissertation, nobody will see.

So now what? Do I ban myself from my top ten? Definitely not because as I already mentioned it's never the foods in my top ten that seem to trip me up. It's all this other piddly crap. So, I ask again, now what?

Honestly, I have no flippin' idea.

August 23, 2004

I'm Really Hungry Today

And I don't mean I'm bored hungry or procrastinating hungry. I'm really hungry as in I feel as if my blood sugar is low hungry. Yes, I know a bit about blood sugar low hungry because I had gestational diabetes through two pregnancies and had to test my blood sugar at every meal.

So this morning I've had my normal cheerios, a peach, some blueberry yogurt and now I'm munching on some popcorn. Yeah, I know too, I probably should have had a banana or orange or something along those lines but while I felt that my blood sugar was low I really don't think it was. I think it's the zyrtec I'm taking making me feel that way, so I was looking for something that I thought would fill me up rather than something that will raise my blood sugar.

Wait - a new development may have occurred. I'll be back in a moment.

October 18, 2004

Did You Miss Me

Okay, so I'm a screw up. Yes it's been almost two months since I last participated in my grandios plans to get healthy and lose weight. And you know what I've done since I last checked in? Zip. Nada. Niente.

Oh well. I'm playing that game any more so I'm updating my goal dates and we start this entire friggin' thing over again.

I'm off to find the entry with the old dates and off we'll go.

Continue reading "Did You Miss Me" »

October 26, 2004

A Bust

Okay, so the weekend was a bust but we had an awsome time. First at the Celebrate..... our town's anniversary party. Much bigger than I imagined and an open bar from 6:00 - 9:30 (then cash). Yeah, we took advantage of that. A great swing band played until about 8:30 - The "something" Somers Orchestra - wonderful.

Then Saturday, we went to the Hunt (aka the Races at Far Hills). I've never been but man - such decadence. Our friend's firm hires a cater and this is one amazing tailgate. As a matter of fact, I think that's what the Hunt is all about - the tailgate - picture 50,000 people tailgating with an occassional horse race run in the distance.

Oh sure, you watch the race - either in person if your close enough to the track, or on these huge giant screen televisions they have positioned strategically around this big open field. Either way, it's not about the race, it's about the food (and drink).

I don't think they poured one bottle of wine that prices less than $50 a bottle a nd there was no end in sight. Of course, we started with mimosa's then moved on to red wine (brunellos, barolo's and some great California Cabernets) but they also had an incredible selection of beer to (my favorite autumn drink - Hacker Pschorr Oktoberfest).

Through all this drinking, people are walking around with hor d'erves (yeah - you spell that). Mini lamb chops with a sort of pesto sauce, these sun-dried tomato and goat cheese fried wontons, chicken satay in a peanut sauce - yumm, plus a selection of cheese, dried fruit and shrimp cocktail. Follow this up with a huge buffet (salad, ham, turkey, salmon, beef tenderloin, some curry rice salad type of dish, fresh rolls, and probably a few other things that I'm missing.

They close out the day with dessert - cookies of every type, mini fruit-tarts, blonde brownies - I'm telling you just decadence.

Needless to say - the weekend was a major bust but hey - you gotta let loose sometimes. We'll see how Thursday's weigh-in goes before I'll say how bad.

August 16, 2005

I Want to Start to Maintain This Again

To catch you all up, I quit my job in January, the thirty-first to be precise. Three days later, on February 3rd, I re-joined Weight Watchers at Amy's meeting. Since then, I'm down 24.2 pounds, 51.8 pounds from my all time high.

August 25, 2005

Weigh In

I weighed in today. "A" wasn't leading the meeting b/c she's taking her boys to college but "N" was there instead. She's pretty funny "N". Anyway, lost about four pounds which makes up for the two I gained last week and I'm looking at a 25.8 pound loss since February, not too shabby.

September 15, 2005

Good Workout Today

I did 40 minutes on manual on the lifecycle at level 4 but I put it on Race for a while and rode between 18 and 20 mph. Not bad considering it's been a few weeks since I've moved my fat ass in any way shape or form.

September 16, 2005

Lie Down and Suck It In

My size 16 LL Bean jeans arrived this morning. They're tight but not unbuttonable and I'm not going larger. With some effort, they should be comfortable by Thanksgiving and big by the spring.

May 21, 2007

Yes, I Know It's Been a While

Okay - I admit it, originally I was going to blog all about my weight loss/getting fit experiences. And I admit, I've been incredibly lax about doing this (you see that picture next to procrastination in the dictionary? Well that's me).

Continue reading "Yes, I Know It's Been a While" »

May 24, 2007

Yeah, I'm Overweight ... NOT

Yes, call me crazy but they day I'm overweight, I want to shout it at the top of my lungs! No if you've paid attention, you know I'm not one of those ultra-thin people who needs to put on weight to be healthy nor am I recovering from a bout of anorexia.

Continue reading "Yeah, I'm Overweight ... NOT" »

May 25, 2007

Ying and Yang

I need to take a camera with me when I ride. Sometimes you see something that just captures you. Sometimes it's the juxtaposition of the things you see.

Continue reading "Ying and Yang" »

May 27, 2007

Why Did The Pedestrian Walk on the Wrong Side of The Road

To get hit by the gal on the bike!

Okay - I haven't hit a pedestrian ... yet. But riding on the boulevard on LBI (Long Beach Island) it's only a matter of time. Wasn't everyone taught as a child, you ride with traffic and walk against traffic? Do you know why you're supposed to walk against traffic? So you can see on-coming bikes (and more importantly) cars, and adjust in case they're headed your way. Do you know why you have to adjust?

Continue reading "Why Did The Pedestrian Walk on the Wrong Side of The Road" »

May 31, 2007

Some Random Comments from the Overweight :D

Yes - you read that correctly, the Overweight. I made it! No longer obese, now I am just overweight. Of course, I just made it losing only a whopping .4 pounds this week. But hey, if I have to eat this way for the rest of my life, what difference does it make how long it takes me to lose the last 25? Anyway, the grand total is ... drumroll please ...

Continue reading "Some Random Comments from the Overweight :D" »

June 2, 2007

Chris Saved a Life Today

Today we woke at 5:40 to do our long ride. We had to be back by 9:45 to drive Becky to school for drama rehearsal, thus the early morning start. Yet again, I meant to bring a camera and forgot because we saw some cool things.

Continue reading "Chris Saved a Life Today" »

June 5, 2007

Is it Iowa?

No it's New Jersey!

Fields of Something

Continue reading "Is it Iowa?" »

June 12, 2007

Only One Cup?

Last night I made Fettuccine Alfredo from Cooking Light for dinner. Normally, I avoid these recipes because the serving size is only one cup. And when I read them, I think, "One cup, there's no way that will satisfy me!"

Continue reading "Only One Cup?" »

June 16, 2007

Today I Try to Breathe

Do you ever have those periods in your life where you feel like a kid on one of those merry go rounds in the park? Not the type with the horses but the kind where all the kids would pile on, and one or two would stay off and spin you around real fast? Do they still make them? Haven't seen them in years.

Anyway, that's how I feel lately. You know you're in trouble when you open your outlook and nine or ten reminders pop up for the day. It's even worse when half of them are overdue. And worse than that, when you know in the back of your mind, about another dozen jumble around screaming at you because you forgot to put them in Outlook to begin with.

That's pretty much we're I'm at, at this moment.

Continue reading "Today I Try to Breathe" »

June 22, 2007

Whistle Stop

I just have to tell you, I'm sitting out on our back deck, having just finished work for the day. I couldn't work out here for the longest time because my wireless sucked. Not everywhere, just within my house. It was slower than molasses going up hill in January. So today I played with it a bit. I'm still not exactly sure what I did that worked or why it worked but basically, I turned off the ThinkVantage "wireless radio" then chose Windows as my method to access the networks (it wouldn't let me do this before b/c it said that I had another program doing this - probably ThinkVantage). Anyway, Windows finally found my network but then couldn't connect, so I turned the "wireless radio" back on, and voila, it worked! So now I'm on a lickety split connection and I get to sit out in the shade on the back deck, overlooking the fields and work with the sun on my face.

So what does that have to do with what I'm going to write about? Absolutely nothing, just that I get to be outside and I am enjoying it.

Continue reading "Whistle Stop" »

June 25, 2007

Strangers on some Bikes

Yesterday I met Neil from the Bike Forums for a ride along the D&R Canal Tow Path. It's a great stretch of compacted dirt (so I thought) and shaded trees, that runs along the canal from New Brunswick to Trenton. There's a feeder path that meets this one somewhere down in Trenton and heads off towards Frenchtown. The first or main path spans 29.9 miles, while the second, or feeder path, spans 28.7 miles of great, no traffic (pedestrians, bikers and horses only) except where you cross roads, uninterrupted biking. Not something I would do with my road bike but with my Giant Comfy bike, it was fine.

Now, as I mentioned, I "met" Neil on the Bike Forums and before yesterday I hadn't really met Neil. So I bet you're wondering, are you crazy, Kim? Going for a bike ride with a stranger you met on the Internet on a semi-deserted path? Well, I have to admit, the thought did cross my mind. I did try to get Chris to go with me, you know, safety in numbers, but he had his heart set on a run, not a ride, so off I went. I figured, c'mon, how stupid could this guy be. He gave me his cell phone number, there were messages from him in my private message folder on the forums linked to his e-mail address, it would take the police 20 minutes to find him. Okay, my town, maybe 40 minutes, but Chris could probably do it faster. He wouldn't try anything. Would he?

Continue reading "Strangers on some Bikes" »

July 15, 2007

183.18

183.18 miles that is. That's how far I rode this week, Monday through Sunday, 183.18 miles It's the farthest (or is that furthest - I never know the difference), I've ridden in a single week ever. Yesterday, I did 74.89 miles - the furthest for a single day ever. But what really killed about yesterday's ride, it was supposed to be a "B" ride. The alphabet is how bike clubs rate their rides and a "B" ride for our bike club means the riders should be able to maintain 17 to 18 miles per hour in the flats and the overall ride should average between 15 and 16 miles per hour. But we averaged 16.5 mph (well Chris averaged 16.6 mph). Now granted the first 14 miles we did on our own and we cooked, riding to the meeting point because we were running late (I left the house without my gloves and had to ride back - idiot). And the last 17 we did after the ride on our way home (but I doubt we raised our average speed on those last 17), which means our ride was bordering on a B+ ride - something I can guarantee you most of the people on that ride didn't sign up for.

But I digress, as always.

Anyway, I thought that 183.18 was significant and thought I'd share some other numbers with you.

Continue reading "183.18" »

August 5, 2007

105.75 in 94

Well, yesterday was the day. I had trained well, since January really, when I did the Cooking Light Personal Coach for Cycling which was supposed to get you ready for a 25-mile ride. Most of the work for this I did on my old clunker miyata, on a trainer in my bedroom. The final 25 mile ride, I did outside on a relatively nice day in February.

Next up, I scoured the web to find training programs for a Century ride - that translates to 100 miles in one day, for many avid roadies, not a huge accomplishment, but for me - well - way huge. And just so everyone remembers how huge, let's take a look at where I was several years ago.

Fat Kim

Okay - so I scoured the web looking for a training plan and I found this one: Easy Century Plan which basically had you finishing the century.

But I just didn't want to finish it, I wanted to finish it with strenght to spare.

Continue reading "105.75 in 94" »

January 9, 2008

Bike Training Begins Again ... and Guilt Along With It

So I've been languishing these past few months. Watching the scale slow creep up and my bike gather a bit of dust in the corner of the bedroom (I moved it indoors when the cold, wet weather hit, though yesterday you couldn't tell). Without a goal in mind, or a plan in place, I find that I just don't have the motivation to get going. So to kick off the new year, I worked up a plan to get me back up to fighting distance (40 - 50 miles on any given weekend ride), and am trying to kick by Weight Watchers back into gear (I'll save that for another dissertation).

Continue reading "Bike Training Begins Again ... and Guilt Along With It" »

January 10, 2008

Think First

Around the middle of December at Weight Watchers, they hand out the new materials for the coming calendar year to those who are already members, beating out the January hordes. Why they don't time in to coincide with them, I do not know. I guess, because you'll never line up with all of them, so why bother. Each week though, starting in December we get a new booklet, this goes on for something like six to eight weeks. The first week was Getting Started, the second week was Get Moving (aka Exercise) and last week was Think First, The Helpful Habits and The Tools for Living. For the past few months, I've been more of a think last kind of gal, so this one, I needed.

Continue reading "Think First" »

February 3, 2008

Health Clubs International - IHRSA Passport Program

I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but I joined a gym a while ago so that I could add weight training to my repertoire. Actually, my parents bought me sessions with a trainer as a birthday present. I'm also not sure if I mentioned it, but I put on 12 pounds since Paris last August, slipping and sliding through the fall. Today, finally, I got the holiday weight off, down four, eight more to go with this Paso trip here.

I'm really going to try to stay focused while I'm here. I'm not going to deny me things, but I am bringing oatmeal, one point bars, little snacks for traveling in the hopes of mitigating the damage. Another thing I'm doing is participating in IHRSA.

I saw these little pamphlets at the gym, that enable you to use thousands of gyms around the country when you travel from your home gym. Originally we found a gym in a town not too far from Paso, Kennedy Club Fitness, in Atascadero. However, when I checked their website, I noticed that they opened a facility in Paso in December. I called over there, and yes, they participate. Turns out I could use the facility as a guest for $15 without being a IHRSA member, but I get a 20% discount. I'm just psyched to have access to the fitness facility and intend to use it every day I'm away.

I'll report more when I return.

February 14, 2008

Be My Valentine ... Not

Valentine's Day always holds lots of baggage for me, on several levels. So let me start off by saying, I don't really care to celebrate it.

Chris and I started dating 23 years ago (this past Saturday), when he invited me to his fraternity's Valentine's Day dance. I knew he finally was interested in me (I had been pursuing for a couple of months) because he had plans that weekend with a mutual friend, Todd, that he cancelled to take me to his fraternity's party on February 9th. I knew if he cancelled Todd for me, there was going to be some action. That was the day we started to date and that's the day we celebrate in February (though Chris sometimes argue we should celebrate the 10th because we didn't kiss until after midnight).

So this past Saturday, after having a great lunch with Janet and Alan at Lupa, we came home in the evening and celebrated with a light meal of prosecco and caviar. Chris made a playlist for his iPod, entitled Music to Grope By 2 (last year we had Music to Grope by 1 - a new tradition was born), and he gave me this fabulous card:

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Continue reading "Be My Valentine ... Not" »

February 28, 2008

Lackadaisical

Don't you just love that word? I do. I love how it sounds like it means. I love how it feels when I say it. And I love that I can use it in a sentence, like, my weight loss attempts over the past few months have been lackadaisical at best.

Yep, that's true - I've been stalled for over six months now. Some weeks, worse than stalled, some weeks I gain. At least now though I when I gain one week I can usually get it off the next but still, I'm spinning my wheels. I'm pursuing weight loss "without interest, vigor or determination." I'm totally "listless" and "lethargic." (all good words by the way).

I like to tell the girls when they have a problem and they're upset, they have five (maybe 10 if it's a big problem) minutes to bitch and moan and then they have to figure out how they're going to fix it.

Given that, let's say I'm done bitching and moaning about this one. But, seriously, for the life of me, I'm stumbling around here and trying to figure out how to get back my drive and determination.

All suggestions welcome.

March 3, 2008

Happy People Don't Kill Their Husbands

That's one of my favorite lines from a movie. Do you know which one? It's Legally Blonde. The full quote goes like this, "Exercise creates endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands." I use it a lot at my Weight Watcher meetings when trying to encourage women to exercise. It's usually good for a few laughs.

Yesterday, I took my own advice. Having not slept well the night before (I do not think I will ever get used to Becky walking in the door at one in the morning), and feeling so much stress my stomach was in knots (rare do I feel so stressed, I can't eat), I opted to ride the bike rather than vegetate in front of the television.

We're still not riding outside though. So with the bike hooked into the trainer, Chris popped in a training DVD and we did Chris Carmichael's Train Right Climbing Routine without leaving our bedroom (personally, I could think of other things that would be more fun without leaving our bedroom ;D but this is what we chose). Man, did I sweat. And man, did my heart pound. And man, did I feel good afterward. Not just physically good but mentally much better too - clearer, well, happier.

Today it's supposed to be in the 50s, so I may take the combi-bike out for a short ride and Becky and I are definitely going for a walk.

Oh and to everyone who offered your encouragement, thanks! Four good days in a row - I'm going for three more!!

March 4, 2008

A Saying a Day

My Weight Watcher leader sometimes hands out these calendars each month with a little saying for every day, or a little suggestion for something to try while you're on program. Some people tape these to their mirrors and actually execute (or try) each of these suggestions through the course of the month. I've never done this though because it always seems as if I get my calendar after the month has already started and I'm a big why bother kind of gal.

Well, this month, my leader handed out the calendar on February 28th, so I had no excuses (except that it got buried under Becky's Australia stuff on the steps, so as it is I missed the first three days). But what the heck, why not give it a try?

Saturday's was "A goal without a plan is merely a dream. Write a Winning Outcome for the month and plan to reach it." Well we did this in our meeting - I don't normally set weight loss goals (I prefer other goals that should result in weight loss) but I need a kick in the pants so I set a goal of 5 pounds by March 31.

Sunday's "Focus this week on getting the Good Health Guidelines in each and every day. Success begins a the grocery store." Well, for me success often begins by not setting foot in the grocery store but that's another story. The Good Health Guidelines mean you should get your five fruit or veggies in, your two or three milks, and your two healthy oils every day. Often members trip up because they use their points on other things, and don't meet these requirements. I've set a bit of a rule for me, "no fun foods until the health guidelines are met." Which means, no popcorn, 100 cal packs, ice cream, whatever if I don't have my fruit and milk eaten (or at least budgeted for).

Yesterday's was "enjoy a piece of fruit with your breakfast today." Well I blew this. But I'd probably blow it most days. Now that I'm trying to stick with a two point breakfast on weekdays - it's rare that I'll have a piece of fruit with it.

And today's, "Create a soothing milk drink with warmed milk, sweetener and vanilla, almond or hazelnut extract." Yeah, I intended to do that, but Sammi missed the bus, and I had to go pick her up, and on the way home we drive by the new Starbucks, and well you get the picture - one Grande Skinny Mocha latte later - I feel I've accomplished this task.

So that's it so far, almost four for four - not bad. In addition to my normal daily March postings, I'm going to try to do these too but at least I have material to post each day with my March Bloggers. :)

March 7, 2008

Today's Weight Watcher Saying

So I mentioned about my Weight Watchers sayings/tasks a day calendar. When last we met, I left off with March 4. Since then, we've had, "This is a great day to focus on eating lots of leafy green vegetables. The darker the green, the better," on March 5th.

In honor of that one, I made my standard Broccoli Raab stir fry. In non-stick skillet, coated with cooking spray and maybe a teaspoon (or more of oil), I add sliced garlic and a dash of some crushed red pepper. I saute until I can smell the garlic or until it's slightly toasty then add some chopped broccoli raab (not finely chopped, basically I take a bunch, and give it three good whacks, crosswise). Toss that about a bit, throw in some salt, toss about more, and when most of the liquid left on the leaves of the broccoli from washing, is absorbed, I may toss in some water or a bit of broth (if I have some open). Let it simmer for a few minutes and voila, spicy broccoli raab is served.

Yesterday's saying was "How many ounces of water will you drink today? Set a goal and to reach it." I blew this one - forgot to check the calendar in the morning and so didn't set any sort of water goal.

Today we have, "Enjoy dishes made with plant-based protein, such as lentil stew, split pea soup, or nuts added to salads." I didn't go with any of their suggestions but instead, took some frozen falafel from whole foods, sauteed it in a non-stick skillet coated with cooking spray, until it was toasty, and put that atop a big old salad of mixed greens, red pepper, carrots, onion and tomato with a bit of non-fat ranch dressing in the mix. It's one of my favorite lunches. I still had a chunk of the no-knead bread left (about 2 ounces), so I toasted that well, and drizzled it with 1/2t of Mauro's olive oil from Le Casa Gialle - yum! Works out to a 3.5 - 4 point lunch (if I count the dressing which sometimes I do, sometimes I don't). Not too shabby.

May 19, 2008

Are We in Vermont?

sourlands_ride_05_17_08.jpg

See that? That's the chart of the hills we climbed when we rode our bikes into the Sourlands of NJ on Saturday. Oh, yeah, a nice 50 mile ride up and down some flippin' big hills! Who knew we had such hills in New Jersey? Well, most of us who live here and ever traveled to the western or north western sections of the state.

I'm very proud of me on that ride. I didn't rest on any of those hills, or get off the bike once! Though I did travel pretty slowly on them, I kept chugging along. I only wish I brought a camera because some of the views were amazing and we traveled along rodes that sometimes contained more bike riders than cars.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending upon how you look at it), we're doing it again this Saturday, only going farther! Oh, and for those who like numbers, it was a 50.5 mile ride with a 3050 foot elevation (i.e., total amount of climbing across all hills, which also means, we had descents of 3050 feet). In Vermont, the highest elevation we had was 2800 feet (or so) and that came going over one long slow climb over a mountain.

June 2, 2008

Team Riemann

Okay - first let me give props to the people who deserve it by saying, it is so much easier to do a triathlon as a team than it is as an individual. So to all those people who I passed yesterday, while I was on my bike (well, except the other team's rider), I am sorry. I had only one event and I blew all my energy on it.

That said, Chris, Becky and I participated in a sprint triathlon yesterday in Southern NJ. What that means, is that, each of us participated in one event. Becky, is our swimmer, so she swam the quarter mile (in the black lake), I'm the biker (though Chris can really smoke me, it's still the only event in which I had any chance at competing), and we all know, Chris runs. So, as a team, we entered.

And to get to the chase, we won for Coed Teams!!!!!!!!

And yes, there was one other team so we actually did beat someone, but hey, we won!

Continue reading "Team Riemann" »

July 17, 2008

Why I Ride/Hike

Brad commented a few days ago that our trip with all the hard rides, and sliding down mountains doesn't sound like much of vacation and he wondered why I do it. There are a few reasons, but first let me start off with a bit of an analogy.

For me, hiking and/or biking is sort of like giving birth. You're in pain , uncomfortable, maybe even fearful but eventually that ends and you forget those moments and are left (eventually) with the joy and elation. I feel the same when I hike or bike. There may be moments when I'm uncomfortable, or in pain or afraid, but eventually, I succeed, the other emotions, and sensations are gone, and I'm left with a sense of elation and pride and looking for my next hike or bike ride.

But as for reasons, well, first, for me, the more active I am, the more I can eat and drink without gaining weight - huge, huge reason.

The second, well it's to see things like this.

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Falls in the Woods towards Nebraska Notch

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View From Taylor Lodge atop Nebraska Notch

And that's just yesterday's hike. There are some things we've seen that a camera just couldn't even capture.

Now, all that said, as I sit here sipping on my morning coffee and chomping on a blueberry muffin, we're trying to figure out what we're doing this morning (we're going kayaking in the afternoon), and the idea of a lazy morning sounds very appealing. :)

September 23, 2008

Pumpkin Patch Century



Last year, when I did my first century, it seemed like such a big deal. I had a training plan that I executed pretty well, butterflies in my stomach the day/night before, and set dietary requirements for the ride. It was also a big deal for my family in that Mom, Becky, and my friend Lisa, came to the finish line with champagne and had decorations waiting out the house when I returned.

tatoo.jpgThis year was toned down for me in the sense that I never got into a regular training schedule, and as far as food requirements, heck I just wung (is that a word?) it. Also, we didn't even register for the ride until a few weeks out, waffling on whether we would do a century and if so, which one. As far as friends and family, well our true blue fans, Becky and Lisa were still at the finish line (no champagne this time), and instead of decorations at home, Becky gave me a cool henna pumpkin tattoo with a "100" in the middle.

All that said though, this was a great ride.

First, it's called the Pumpkin Patch Pedal and it's sponsored by the Staten Island Bike Association. Though from Staten Island, they come out here to Central (and southern Jersey) to do their ride. Now here's the fun part, the claim to fame of the PPP is that they have pie at the rest areas! Turns out they only serve it at the last rest area (which makes sense; I mean who wants to ride 75 or 50 miles with some pumpkin pie lodged in your stomach?). Anyway, it was the pie at the rest areas that really attracted me to this one (and you didn't believe I was food oriented?).

Continue reading "Pumpkin Patch Century" »

October 24, 2008

80-20

First a little background.

My grandmother, in 1959 was given six months to live. She had breast cancer. She did die eventually, from cancer in 1982. Her sister, my aunt Sylvia died in the 1970s of the disease. One of my father's sisters (my grandmother's daughter and my aunt), had a double mastectomy a few years ago. The other sister, is currently battling the disease.

So, yes, though they say the "genetic" form does not come from the father's side of the family, I often wonder about that.

But given all of that, you can imagine my shock when I found a lump in my breast last Tuesday.

Continue reading "80-20" »

October 25, 2008

A Little Peace in The Storm

In all of the whirlwind of the last 10 days, one good thing is rising on the horizon, we're still heading to Italy in 11 more days. It was the first thing the doctor said after giving us the diagnosis, "You're still going to Italy next week."

It was the last thing on Chris's mind. It was the last thing on Andrew's mind when I told him too. But it wasn't the last thing on my mind. Strange, but I think the most frustrating thing about my "situation" at the moment is that it's robbed me of my ability to plan for the next few months anyway. I don't know what we're going to do for Thanksgiving. I don't know if I'll be able to do any "holiday" celebrations. And worse still, I don't know if I'll be able to go to Disney with the family to watch Chris do the Goofy challenge or to Paso Robles for the Slow Bowl. It's the not knowing and the not being able to plan that frustrates the heck out of me.

So I want this trip.

I know, once I meet with the as yet to be named oncologist, will put the final plan together. And then, at least, I'll have a plan, a timeline, and can hopefully start to plan things again and according to Dr. M. that should all be in place before we leave, which will make traveling easier. I know she's right.

But for now, at least, I think I'm going to take some time today and focus on the next trip and keep praying for clean lymp nodes on Monday. I'm starting to get that one day at a time thing.

Good Advice

First, I just want to thank all of you who have contacted me through e-mail and comments. I've said this before and I'll say it again, knowing there are so many of you wonderful people out there pulling for me, makes this all bearable.

Next, I want to share with you an e-mail I just received from my Aunt. I mentioned her before, as she's had a double mastectomy and reconstruction. Hopefully she won't mind me sharing her words of wisdom with all of you, but they really resonate - I may have to paint them on my walls, or at least, tape them to my bathroom mirror.

Dear Kimmee,

If good thoughts help to heal you, then you are well on your way; we are all pulling for your speedy "detoxification" and recovery. You seem to be doing all the right things, so what I tell you now may be unnecessary, but just in case, here it is: KEEP BUSY. Do not play any scenarios over and over in your mind. Remember, you just have to go thru each step/procedure once, so torturing yourself by playing different scenarios over and over in your mind, and therefore going thru them more times than you actually have to, is destructive to your well-being. Do what you have to do to take care of yourself, and then go about activities and live in the NOW on the hour to hour basis. Before you know it, each step will be over, and you will only have had the anxiety for each step much more briefly, than if you think about it all the time.

It took me about 20 years to realize this, but when I did, and forced myself to live that way, my quality of life was much better. (Of course let it be said that I only was able to do it relative to this whole breast issue; I still worry about stupid things like grandkids and such, all the time!!) I counseled friends to do the same, and it really made sense to them. I hope it makes sense to you.

Also, if you want some general info, have you read any of Dr. Susan Love's books. They answer a bunch of common quests. And never be reluctant to ask questions, no matter how many, or how often to whom ever you choose. It is your body and your decisions; be as informed as makes you comfortable.

I am here if you need me for anything. Love to you. Aunt Dennise

--------------------------------------------------------

Okay now before any of you get any bright ideas, you can't go around calling me kimmee (that's reserved for my aunts, father and Doru). But shit - doesn't that all make so much sense? I also like the line "be as informed as makes you comfortable." I'm totally getting that too - there are certain things I want to know (treatments, effects) and certain things I totally care not to know (odds) and it's good to have someone give you permission to choose what you want to know and what you don't want to know.

October 26, 2008

Cancer Vixen

cancer_vixen.jpgBecky went to the mall yesterday shopping with Al. Al needed a dress for a sweet sixteen they're going to on Saturday night. But I got a present too. Becky found this book in Bath and Body Works, Cancer Vixen: A True Story
- it's the story of what happens when a "shoe-crazy, lipstick-obsessed, wine-swilling, pasta-slurping, fashion-fanatic, single-forever, about-to-get-married big-city girl cartoonist with a fabulous life finds ... a lump in her breast?" She figured at least I hit on the wine-swilling, pasta-slurping description and both the author and I are 43 when it happens, so she hoped I could relate. It's done as a comic book (easy to understand) and so far our stories are parallel. I'm enjoying it - it makes me laugh (we're trying to laugh as much as possible now).

The other thing she picked up for me was a nice notebook from Barnes and Noble. I wanted something I can write random thoughts, questions and "to-dos" in, something I could take to the doctors with me in which to write notes (my memory sucks but if I write things down, I usually remember them). We're keeping it on the counter in the kitchen too though, and the girls can write whatever questions they have, that I can't answer in it, and I told them I'll ask the doctors for them.

She had six she wanted to choose from but she chose the one she bought because it has this saying in the front cover:

Enjoy the the little things in life for one day you will look back and realize they were the big things

So far this morning this is what I have:

  • TD: change light bulb in entry hall
  • TD: pay Capitol one bill
  • TD: Cancel extra reservation at Cesari (story here)
  • TD: Cancel Auto Europe reservation (story here)
  • Q: Do I need a breast MRI? Full body MRI? If so, who gives me the scrip?

I figure between this blog and that notebook, this entire process will be documented to the nth degree. That gives me a feeling of control, even if it's false, I still like it.

Oh, one more thing, there's a cancer walk in our town this morning. I was going to do it with Lisa but it's just too raw for me. But Steph, Al and Becky are going over to do it and that makes me want to cry ... in a good way.

17 Hours

In 17 hours, I'll be in surgery. In 24 hours, the tumor should be gone.

I'm scared.

I'm nervous.

Please God, give me let me be okay.

October 27, 2008

Leaving Soon

Leaving soon. Pretty calm. I'm starving though ;).

See you all later.

I'm Home

Well, that wasn't so bad. The surgeon, Dr. M, ran a little late but they took me in a bit after 1:00. I woke up a bit before 3:00 in "stage 1' recovery. By 3:20 I was in stage 2 where they gave me juice, coffee and cookies.

Dr. M said the lymph nodes looked good, soft (whatever that means) and we'll get the final pathology on Thursday (keep your fingers crossed) but they got all of it and the margins were clean. So we're hopeful.

More later but wanted to let you all know what's going on.

Again, thank you sooooooooooo much for all the support and encouragement. Y'all will never know how much it means to me.

October 29, 2008

Lumpectomy

Warning, right off the bat - I'm not cushioning stuff in here - I don't think it gets too disgusting but just be warned.

First, do you know how I know God loves me? And yes, even with cancer, I still believe that. It's because on Sunday night, in the midst of my panic, Pretty Woman was on TV - I mean c'mon, what better form of mindless entertainment to take your mind off your troubles? And you know what, he/she did it again Monday morning. Do you know what was on then? Miracle on 34th street (the original) - in October? Yes, God loves me.

So Monday morning was pretty much spent playing Spider Solitaire, watching Santa Clause prove he's the real thing, killing time in any way I could until it was time to leave for the hospital. About 9:15 I decided a shower might be a good idea, since god only knew when I’d get to shower again. Plus, I needed to shave. Chris of course was upset, “You shave for the folks in the operating room and not for me?” Well, yeah dear, I barely know the people in the OR but you’ve I known for most of my life – you can put up with a little stubble. ;D

Anyway, we hit the road about 10:15, 20 minutes earlier than we probably needed to get to the hospital for my 11:00am appointment. It’s probably a good thing we got there early though, because first Chris missed a turn (on a route he’s driven hundreds of times during his life – he used to volunteer at the hospital – guess he was distracted) then once we gave our name to the parking attendant (so we could get free parking – they have all the patients on a list), parked, it took us two wrong guesses before we finally figured out where we needed to go for outpatient (aka ambulatory) surgery.

Anyway, we enter a large waiting room with maybe two dozen people waiting – hard to tell the patients from the waiting families but after a while (and the green name bracelets they give me) you know who is who. It never occurred to me that men would be here too – as I thought this outpatient center was part of the Women and Children Pavilion but nope, it’s for everyone, kids too. Anyway, we sit in the waiting room, with only one TV playing CNN (okay – is it only me, but can’t we have mindless TV while waiting for doctors or surgery – must we be subjected to the news?).

As the hour goes by, they call various waiting families into the back and at least one other patient, a young woman, younger than me, who has been crying off-and-on on her husband’s shoulder – yeah I know that feeling. Finally, it’s my turn just after noon.

Continue reading "Lumpectomy" »

October 30, 2008

Nothing Yet

The doctor thought we'd get the full pathology today but so far no call from her office. Hoping she just makes these calls at the end of the day but who knows. We'll see. If I don't hear today, I'll give them a call in the morning.

Other than that, feeling okay - a little stiff in the arm and tired. I didn't think I'd be this wiped from the surgery but I guess it takes stuff out of you, healing and all.

Oxycodone

Oooh, I just took my pain meds, which is the generic form of percaset or oxy-coton or something. I've just taken them before going to sleep but I over did it yesterday and was a bit sore today, so I just decided to take them now (so I can take them again before bed) and man am I flying ..... wheeee. Hope the doc doesn't call now b/c there's no way I'll get what she's saying anyway.

October 31, 2008

Yipee!

Got all of the tumor and the lymph nodes are negative (that's the good one)!

I'll get the full report when I meet with her 4:20 on Monday and then I'll make the appointment with the oncologist but I'm feeling pretty darn good right now.

Of course, I've been a slug on the couch all day 45 minutes at the gym, at only 2mph on a treadmill totally wiped me out - better get used to that ... Hey on the other hand, how many woman do you know at the gym four days after a lumpectomy?

November 3, 2008

Dodged a Bullet?

We visited the surgeon this afternoon for my one week post-op and to go over the final pathology reports. First off, I have to say, I've arrived. When I go to sign in at the doc's office, the nurse sees me and says, "Kim, you don't have to sign in." Ooh, cancer has its perks.

A few minutes later, I'm called into the office and the nurse removes my surgi-strips, shows me the stitches that will dissolve and then brings me into the doc's office along with Mom and Chris to go over the report.

I scribbled notes all over it and I'm going to try to recap most of it here for you - feel free to ask questions. I feel like now, my education can begin.

First, we went over page four of the report, the pathology from the surgery. I had a duct cell carcinoma which is one of the most common cancers. My tumor was a whopping 3.7cm which works out to be 1.5 inches. I had angiolymphatic permeation which if I understood correctly, means the little blood vessels within the tumor contained cancer cells. This could be bad because that's how the cells travel to the lymph nodes but luckily my little suckers didn't make it (go body!). Most cancer patients have a grade 2 tumor, mine was grade 3. It's the fastest growing kind. The good news, it also responds best to chemo. To give you an idea of how fast it grows, grade 2 can double every six months, grade 3, every 3 weeks. This sucker hadn't been around for long (which relieves some of my guilt, makes me realize that breast self exams are way important, and that Alina, getting me to call the doc to move up my appointment probably saved my life - or at least my lymph nodes!).

Now we get into a little discussion about chemo and radiation and the difference between the two. The doc explains a bit to us but basically the chemo prevents the cancer from appearing/spreading to the rest of my body, and the radiation, saves my boobs. The chemo kills the cells, and the radiation "rehabilitates the cells" basically discouraging them from becoming rogue mavericks (hmm...perhaps we should have named that tumor Sarah ... you bettya). Anyway, after this combo of treatment, recurrence is about 10% - I can live with that.

Okay - now back to the results from the aspiration - I'm ER IPOX (estrogen?) negative, PR IPOX (progesterone?) negative and HER-2 Negative (still waiting for the final results on that one), but that's good. I won't be doing any of those other medications, and she seemed real upbeat about the HER-2 being negative too. Basically, my cancer was not hormone sensitive (again the education needs to begin - though she said stay way from stat tables b/c my tumor size was large but everything else was good but a lot of the stats don't take that into account).

The rest of the time we asked her some questions better geared towards the oncologist but just to get her opinion on what my future may hold. She thinks, I'll probably need 16 weeks of Chemo, every other week for 4 cycles and then again, radiation after the chemo. She also said it will probably be a drip, three hours at a shot. Of course, all of this will be up to the oncologist but we just wanted an idea.

Lastly, my mom and Chris left, and the doc took a look at my stitches and said I'm healing faster than expected and to have a great time in Italy!

Update: Oh, I totally forgot this but Brenda's comment reminded me, when the doc walked into the room she said, "So how you doing Kimmy?"!!! Too funny - okay so who tipped her off?

November 4, 2008

A Prayer for Today

May the rogue mavericks stay out of my boobs and out of the white house.

Thoughts That Keep Me Awake at 2:00am

They didn't wake me. Chris did that when he got up to go to the bathroom but these are the thoughts that popped into my head as I tried for two hours to go back to sleep (I was finally successful and had the strangest dream about a party at George's house).

  • Did I make plans to meet for coffee on Tuesday or Wednesday
  • I need to call the oncologist
  • When will I be able to sleep without my bra?
  • I'm thirsty
  • I'm hot
  • What if that fast-growing cancer comes back before chemo and radiation start somewhere else - it's that fast
  • I need to schedule Becky's physical
  • It's election day!
  • I'm horny
  • I'm going to Italy!!
Late night thoughts are truly random (and can be truly scary).

December 8, 2008

Marijuana Pill

Okay - so sorry I haven't posted since the big Chemo Sucks plea for sympathy. Things actually did get better, after hurling Friday night, I felt about 40% on Saturday and yesterday, I did manage to get out in the morning for a bit to a local craft fair, feeling about 60% (today, I'm about 75% and I can live with that).

I'm eating and drinking, though certain smells manage to set me off (say good-bye to fried foods), and while I'm still wonky and have very mild queasiness, everything seems to be staying down.

So I went today for my check-up with Dr. F (I see him every three weeks, in addition to my chemo, in addition to my blood tests). We talked about the nausea and he talked about the different course of treatment for next week to help with the queasies and after he listed off a bunch of possibilities, he says, "and there's always the marijuana pill," only, he's from South America (can't remember if it's Brazil or Argentina) but anyway, he pronounced it with the "J" sounding as in "John." I'm sorry, I made him repeat it and then couldn't help but laugh - I'm calling it that from now on. I don't think he appreciates my humor though when I say things like, "Well can we skip the rest and go right to that?" But he did chuckle when I told him my Mom already offered me her stash and Becky said she could pick up some for me at school (like it's something she can get in the school store).

Anyway, for those of you checking in, I'm hanging in there, trying to get as much done now while I feel up to it and dreading next Tuesday a bit (but knowing it will last less than three days now, I think I can handle it).

Thanks for checking in.

December 11, 2008

Better Living Through Chemistry

Honestly, I don't know where that term comes from but it goes through my mind constantly these days, and actually, one of the nurses during chemo quoted it back to me last week. She didn't remember where it came from either.

I guess it goes through my mind so much because so many chemicals go through my body these days. I thought I'd share some of the stuff I'm taking, ingesting, streaming with you.

First off there's Adriamycin (aka, Doxorubicin, aka Dave). This is one of the big ones I get during Chemo. It injures cancer cells, resulting in their death. It can damage my heart. It's red (yes, folks, I pee red now, at least the first few days after chemo).

Next, the other bad boy, Cytoxan (aka Cyclophosphamide, aka Clyde). The other big Cancer drug (also used it seems for some auto-immune diseases). It too injures cancer cells, resulting in their deaths.

Next up, all the drugs I take to counteract the effects of the twins, Clyde and Dave:

Ativan (aka lorazepam) - honestly not sure if this is anti-nausea, anti-anxiety or just something that helps me sleep. I took it for the first three nights.

Compazine (aka prochloperazine) - anti-nausea - not so much.

Zofran (aka odansentron) - another anti-nausea - again, not so much. Apparently, I was getting some of this in the IV last week that was supposed to last a few days - uh, no.

Colase - stool softening (don't you just love the mental image I conjured for you): best advice, to take it the day I started chemo. I had no, shall we say, stuffy problems.

Some drug I can't remember, but it's a shot they gave me 24 hours after the chemo to help me produce white blood cells.

Now the drugs I take to counter the side effects of the drugs I'm taking to counter the side effects of the twins, Clyde and Dave (follow that?):

Claritan - don't ask me why - but that white blood cell shot I took apparently causes bone pain and the Claritan helps that (had to take it for the first five nights after the shot).

Immodium AD - well you saw that colase one, well apparently, eventually, not being stuffy, could lead to being rather ... loose ... shall we say. So you need this to get somewhat stuffy again. Luckily, I haven't needed this yet.

What's funny, is that all this is for the girl whose mother had to chase her around the house, tackle her and pin her down in order to get her to take cough medicine. I've always said, God possesses nothing, if not a sense of irony.

May 30, 2009

Exercise Music

So I've started another training plan, this one to get me ready for my Avon Walk in October. This morning, while I was walking outside and listening to my iPod (don't worry it was turned way down), I had on my Exercise Playlist - a compilation of what I consider to be upbeat songs or songs with a good beat to to keep my pace. I'm listing them below but I got to wondering - what's some of your favorite music to listen to while exercising? Specific songs? Specific artists? Anything I'm missing?

Continue reading "Exercise Music" »

July 31, 2010

Today's Ride

I went for a bike ride this morning with Chris and our friend Marty. There's nothing out of the ordinary with that fact. I've been riding pretty regularly since my last surgery.

What was out of the ordinary for today's ride was that we headed for Sourland Mountain (yeah, I know maybe not a mountain to anyone who lives in Vermont, Colorado, or Europe, but for us here in central Jersey, it counts). I used to be able to ride over the mountain (bc) but since then, I have yet to get to the top. I came pretty close, but of course I had to stop to rest half-way up our chosen roads of ascent (once Dutchtown Zion and the other Hopewell Amwell - sight of my first fall). Last week, in that heat, with the air advisory I couldn't even get to the top of Dutchtown Zion with a rest. About 1/2 way up, I turned around and coasted down to the bottom in defeat (worst ride ever).

But today ... yes, I made it to the top, no rest. Then I climbed Long Hill Road and made it to the top of mountain too. Then, for good measure, we threw a couple of more hills in. All in all, we climbed about 2000 feet today (depending whose numbers you use; I go with the highest). Marty and Chris did more because they threw another hill in but I was satisfied with what I already had accomplished.

Here's the elevation profile for today's ride:

Sourland Mountain Elevation.

And here's a link to the route: Sourlands Loop in case anyone in the vicinity would like to use it.

August 11, 2010

The Cancer Card - Again - Century for The Cure

I know, I know, I hit you all up for donations last year when I did the Avon Walk for Cancer. And you came through - with a generosity that I should have expected but yet still shocked and warmed me all at once.

I warned you then though, I'd probably be hitting you up again and that time has come.

This time though, it's a little more personal. This time, I'm raising money not for a large, international organization with tons of resources, but a local organization - the Cancer Institute of New Jersey. It's more personal, because these are the doctors, nurses and counselors I visited this past spring when I had my genetic testing done. It's also more personal because several of my family members have visited them too (and are under their care). It's a bit more encompassing in reach though, because the institute doesn't just cover breast cancer, it covers all types of cancer and your donations will support their research!

So here's the deal. Chris and I (and hopefully, maybe even my friends Bobbi and Marty) will be riding a 100 mile bike-athon in support of the institute, the Century for the Cure. We've each committed to raise $500 (though I set a goal of $1000) in order to participate. We'll be doing this bike ride in one day, Saturday September 11th, and we've been training for a while.

There are a couple of ways you support us.

1. Give money. We're Team Twin Peaks but you can donate to each of us individually, or all to one of us at Kim's Page or Chris's Page (you may want to throw some love Chris's way - he's lagging behind) and clicking the "Support Me" button.
2. Join our team! Yes, you can go to Team Twin Peaks and choose to either A) ride with us (there's also a 40-mile option) or B) become a "Virtual" member who supports us in spirit. But either way, you'll be committing to raising money for the Cancer Institute (real riders commit to $500, but virtual ones can set their own goals - see what Cassandra Lajeskie did!)

As always, I appreciate all of your love, kindness and support. So please join me to raise money and finally put an end to this shitty disease.

Thank you.

August 21, 2010

Who The Flip Thought of This!

Today's ride.

Sourland Mountain Elevation
Up and Down Sourland Mountain 4 Times!

Okay - it was me. What was I thinking!

Took a very long time (I held everyone up because I'm real slow on the hills) but other than Montgomery Road (unpaved - avoid it) I think everyone had a good time.

Time to eat!

September 11, 2010

Century for the Cure

As you're reading this (if it's still Saturday Sept 11, 2010), Chris, Marty and I are in the midst of our 100 mile bike ride raising money for Cancer Institute of NJ. I wrote about this ride a couple of months ago - here. To date, we've raised over $3300, part of a group of 100+ riders who have raised over $150,000 towards research to end this disease in its many forms.

Feel free to follow along with us today as I post pictures on Facebook to this album, Century for the Cure 2010.

It's not too late if you would still like to donate. You can donate to me here, to Chris here, or to Marty here. Shh... Chris still hasn't reached his goal - so feel free to support him (you won't hurt my feelings).

And to everyone who has donated - thank you for your support. We'll be sending out an update about our ride Sunday (or Monday if we're confined to the couch. ;D).

September 29, 2010

Century for the Cure - Finito

I can't believe it's been almost three weeks since we did this bike ride.

First, of course, I want to thank everyone who donated money to the Cancer Institute of New Jersey on our behalf. As a team (to date), we raised over $3600 thanks to your generosity. (By the way, there is still time to donate if you didn't, you can visit my page, Chris's page or Marty's page and give; it all goes to the same place).

Second, I want to thank all of you who were there with us in spirit. Your good wishes and thoughts definitely carried me through.

Third, I want to thank the organizers and volunteers for the ride. Everything was top notch from the tools provided to raise funds, to the check-in breakfast, the rest areas and the ending barbecue, not to mention those along the way who cheered us on (especially up that first big hill).

Last, I have to thank Chris and Marty. If it wasn't for their support before the ride, with training runs, and especially during the ride, I'd be a heap on the side of the road barely fit for the vultures. I also want to thank Marty, because his mere presence probably saved our marriage ;D. Oh, and a big thank you to Marci, for driving us all to (and from) dinner that night, without whose support, that celebratory martini and extremely large porterhouse, would not have been possible!

Now to tell you a bit about the ride...

Century for the Cure
Century for the Cure Route

We started in Warren NJ which for those of you who aren't familiar with New Jersey, sits in the center of our state, in the Watchung Hills (yes, and they did play a role in that day's adventure). Chris and I rose at 5:00am after actually organizing our gear the night before (for once) and Marty arrived right on time at 5:30am. After a quick transfer of Marty's bike and gear from his car to ours we were on our way.

With only one wrong turn on that cool, dark, morning, we arrived to an almost packed Camp Riverbend at about 6:15 with plenty of time to check-in, eat breakfast, use the restrooms, fill our tires and water bottles and be ready for the 7:00am start. It took one look around at all the svelt, young riders, for me to feel quite inadequate, but Marty mocked my nervousness and we headed out.

Now let me mention that first steep hill - yes I love a ride when within a half-mile of the start you're climbing - not. I should have taken that as a warning for the rest of the day. I did however take heart that there was already a younger, thinner rider, off her bike, walking it up while I climbed in my saddle. And I did take note of the volunteers near the top who cheered us on.

The first 20+ miles really are a blur to me. We headed north, through the Great Swamp and saw some really pretty countryside. We looped around, southward and stopped in/near Bernards in Pleasant Valley Park for our first rest area. I felt pretty darn good. We'd covered almost 21 miles in about 80 minutes, a not too shabby pace of 15.75 mph.

Century for the Cure
Our First Rest Stop

After our ten minute break, we continued southwesterly, through Bedminster (past my cousin's jewelry store, Simms), skirting Round Valley, through Whitehouse and Reading, to arrive at our next rest area in Three Bridges (which by the way holds some fond childhood memories for me of fishing and swimming in the river there). I liked that rest area, they played reggae music, had friendly staff and a big balloon arch for us to ride through. Other than having to walk upstairs to use the bathroom at the rest area, oh and crossing one major highway, the ride so far still felt pretty darn good. I was wondering where the flat areas were though? Seemed like all we were doing was going up or down...

We'd been riding about three hours at this point and covered 44 miles. Our average speed had dropped to about 14.6mph - uh oh.

Here things go bad for me. They go real bad for me.

There are no flat areas. The next 20+ miles have us looping out from the rest area, down towards my old friend, Sourland Mountain, into rolling, rolling hills. We were either going up or we were going down but the down never made up for the up and the up always seemed to end in these steep-grade tops that you could never use your momentum to get over.

I felt like I was in the ocean with wave after wave breaking over my head and I couldn't get to the shore.

Chris said each time we saw another hill, my head would shake.

I know at some point I started to scream at them.

I started to write this blog entry in my head too. The title? Century for the Cure 1, Kim 0. My excuses for not finishing and why that was okay, and why that wasn't a bad example for my kids flew through my brain (I am the queen of rationalizations).

I stumbled (well, as much as you can stumble on a bike) into the third rest area (which had also been the second rest area), after riding 67 miles, defeated.

I got off my bike and slumped into a chair. Marty and Chris walked away, to let me be. I didn't know they were talking about how to convince me to get into the van to go back to the finish.
We'd ridden 67.86 miles in about 4 hours and 40 minutes (not including rest stops). Our overall speed dropped to just about 14mph. It was all my fault.

Sixty eight miles wasn't even the longest ride I'd done this season. The next rest area was at 81 miles, only 15 miles away, even at our current pace, just over another hour on the bike. I told me, I could get there and then I could get in the van. At least I would have gone further than any other ride that season. I got up, got half a sandwich and twenty minutes after pulling into the rest area, we got back on the bikes.

Somewhere on South Branch Road about 30 minutes later, I regretted that decision. I wanted them to go on without me. I wanted them to leave me there while I waited for the van. I wanted to stop holding them back. But they wouldn't go. I made Chris give me his car keys though, so if (or when) the van did bring me back to the finish, I could get into his car to change.

Something happened though when he gave me those keys. Don't ask me what - I can't explain it. My back stopped hurting, my head stopped hurting, I had an out. And even though we were still going up and down and up and down, over some really crappy roads (Marty says no one appreciates a freshly paved road like a bicyclist and he's absolutely right), I made it to the fourth rest area, 82.83 miles in total, six hours and thirty seven minutes after we started to ride.

It had been slow going, averaging about 12mph (well, that included that stop for the keys and I'm not sure how long that took) but I'd made it. Our overall speed had dropped to about 13.8mph.
Now here's the thing - remember how the ride started in the Watchung Hills? It was ending there too. While in that first 30 miles we had some really good down-hills to get out of the hills, I knew at the end of the ride until we got to mile 94 or so, we were going to have to climb back up into those hills.

So it was time to seriously consider a van ride to the finish.

The only thing, the people in the fourth rest area were so nice! They offered to drive me to the top of the hill, so I could ride from there. They encouraged me to ride it, explaining that it wasn't a steep climb but a long, gradual one (those don't scare me as much) - and this was confirmed by another rider to whom Marty had spoken. They got me ice water.

And you know what I thought? Fuck it! I'm at 82.83 miles, I really only had to get another 12 miles to have most of the climbing behind me. I've come this far. Fuck, fuck, fuck it. Fourteen minutes later, we climbed back on our bikes for the last time that day, and rode.

We climbed up through Bridgewater, into Warren and tackled those two remaining hills (nee mountains), again, through some beautiful scenery and amongst a heard of deer, until we coasted into Camp Riverbend, eight hours and 20 minutes after we started, covering a distance of 102.36 miles, climbing almost 5200 feet during the course of the ride.

Century for the Cure Elevation
The Hills

Here's the irony for me though.

My second century ride was two years ago. At that time, it was three weeks before I discovered the lump in my breast. I did that ride, having cancer and not knowing it. I finished that ride easily at a personal best of 16.1mph over the course of 101 miles.

This ride was my third century. I'm cancer free (knock on wood). Cancer free, and yet I didn't ride this century fast. Cancer free, and yet I didn't ride it strong. But never have I had that incredible sense of accomplishment that I had when we coasted into that camp. It took one hot dog and one beer later for me to already start thinking about doing this ride again next year.

Oh, and if that didn't convince you that I'm meschuga, next week, on October 3rd I'm doing another century with Chris, Marty and Bobbi. This one though is just for "fun."

At the finish
Marty, Chris, Me and my beer

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