Reflections on My 39 Years in Umbria

How many of us during our first years living or traveling in Italy were perplexed by the reaction/action following our utterance of "Basta" when asked if we wanted a second serving during a meal, or when we politely said, "No, Grazie" to the same question or when we said "Solo Due" to denote we would accept a tiny bit more? What followed was usually a piled-high second serving and a hostess or waiter who totally ignored our answer.

We soon learned that it was assumed we were "facendo complimenti", that we were refusing the extra portion only to be polite. It would have been poor hospitality or service to take us at our word!

Offering something to a house visitor, offering far more food to lunch or dinner guests than can be reasonably eaten, ignoring a "No, grazie" of our guests or restaurant clients is a given, a MUST - a demonstration of the delight in having the guest or client.

Not until I learned to graciously hover my hands with a smile over my plate, was I able to avoid being given another huge portion of what I had just declined. Much MORE complicated is when I am the hostess: I STILL tend to respect expressed wishes and take people at their word, NOT giving more food when it is declined, fully risking being considered unhospitable and worse yet, UNGENEROUS!

So..."Basta" really means, "I'd love some more" and "No, Grazie" implies "Yes, thank you" and "Solo Due" has no reference to the number two and no connotation of just a little, but rather, "Yes, I'd love a second helping".