When I am with Maurizio in the States I am never fully in my "American mode". I stayed on for five more weeks, knowing that this period, full winter, would be the only chance I would have to be away for such a prolonged period. During those delightful days with Mar, I was truly able to enter my "American mode".
January was an exciting month of multiple, GORGEOUS snowfalls, the excitement of hearing the snow plows and seeing their headlights at night...and of the inauguration of President Obama.
My dominant sensation while in the States is the feeling of belonging! In Italy, I understand, function, tolerate, "go with the flow", admire and/or disdain (depending on the circumstance), listen, work, travel and am overwhelmed, still today, by the art.
BUT, I don't feel a real belonging! It is as if I am observing, as I have learned everything I need to know in this foreign country...as if I have adopted it (or it has adopted me)!
In the States, it is MY country, my national anthem, Obama is MY President, English is MY language. I am proud of its institutions, of its ability to reinvent itself, of its efficiency, of its values and beliefs. I am not objective, I don't look at everything with the unbiased objectivity which I apply to Italy. I am American. Never has it hit me as clearly as it did during this long trip.
On the lighter side, I am American ALSO in my love of traditional American breakfasts:
the Classic special
and bread pudding
I have never been the American in Italy. I have always lived the Italian way, following the traditions and customs. I have never cooked American food or joined any grooups of expats or foreigners. I was never able to speak English with anyone except my children. My situation was always "either - or", Italian while here (which was most of the time these 40 years) and American when I spent some months in California or in other States as I followed my children's careers.
As I would never think of making or eating an American breakfast here, I also don't cook much Italian when I am in the States. My two modes are much like the two linguistic centers in my brain: distinct, absolutely separate.
I perceive my voice differently as well, and I see myself as looking very different. I feel I truly have two personas, although others don't see me that way at all.
Interesting concepts, interesting nuances of self-perception and identity. Fun to think about...and most certainly an added dimension to my life!
Comments (3)
I understand completely Mary, even tho I DO cook American food in Italy and Italian food in America (altho it's never as good!) Just yesterday we had some Italian friends over for barbequed ribs, cole slaw and macaroni and cheese - oh, and apple pie for dessert! It's nice to be able to have the best of both worlds.
Posted by Barbara: Art and Barb LIve in Italy! | February 23, 2009 9:23 PM
Posted on February 23, 2009 21:23
Mary, beautiful said! And I sense some melancholy. Being a part of two worlds is very special but, at times, lonely--I would think.
Posted by Jane | February 23, 2009 10:25 PM
Posted on February 23, 2009 22:25
A very interesting post, Mary. I have never actually lived in a foreign country, but I can imagine that as much as one would make it feel like home, it could never replace one's "home and native land" (as we say in Canada's national anthem.)
Identity is a very complex thing; certainly wars have been fought over the concept, people have struggled against exile.
You certainly have a unique perspective and the benefit of being an reflective, inquisitive person.
Posted by sandrac | March 5, 2009 9:21 PM
Posted on March 5, 2009 21:21