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I may be sent to hell for this.....

hell.jpg

And perhaps I should! These are pretty lame, as jokes go, but it's February and we could likely all use a laugh. (BTW, I hope that Duccio di Buoninsegna (b. ca. 1255, Siena) forgives me for dragging him into this. Above is a reproduction of his Descent to Hell painted between 1308-11 and which now hangs in Siena's Museo dell'Opera del Duomo.)

My sister likes to send me email jokes, cartoons, etc. Some make me laugh in spite of myself -- like these. They remind me of the kinds of routines that comics like to use once in a while: headlines gone wrong, that sort of thing. (I once worked for a newspaper in Saskatchewan where I swear, the typesetters -- on purpose -- would routinely drop the final L in references to the Saskatchewan Wheat Pool. The Sask Wheat Poo organization was not amused.)

Anyway, here are a few items from my sister's collection of Church Bulletins Gone Wrong. BTW, she maintains they are all true, ripped from the typewriters of real Church Ladies.
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
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The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."


Comments (11)

Kathy (Trekcapri):

Hi Sandra, I almost don't know what to say! I reall like the painting! :)

Barb Cabot:

Great laughs! Thank you for brightening the day.

Thanks for the fun laugh during my lunch break. Some of these lines are hilarious! The people typing them must have been horrified! Great post :)

Kim:

Those were hysterical!

Anne:

Sandra, now that am finished near choking to death/laughing, I have to say those are hilarious!! Can't even pick a favourite, they are all so funny. The typos in our bulletins aren't nearly this amusing! Love the Duccio painting too by the way, his Maesta in Siena is a favourite of mine, it just glows.

Thanks for the laughs! I'm going to share these with a couple of friends that work at the church. Hopefully none of typos came from their church ...

I never heard of Duccio before. Must check his work now.

Oh Sandra - I needed that good laugh after my first day on a new class. :)

Too, too funny! And some good "be careful" lessons in there for us writers...

Thanks for this great start to my early morning here...

These are really great! I love "Bring your husbands"!

sandrac:

Thanks everyone! Sometimes there is nothing wrong with silliness.

I think my favourite has to be the plea for recycling items to cripple children.

Brad'll Do It:

Nothing like a couple of "participial endanglements" to provide some humor. My favorite is the "Low Self Esteem" group having to use the back door.

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