I will admit that I am in a bit of a funk at present. I am officially funking.
It's not one thing, really. It's ten things all at once. It's work and family and friends and life and the deep and tender parts of me that I hide away from the world being re-tweaked and poked at.
When I get to funking I think of the places I've felt safest and happiest and most at peace. Funny how I almost always find myself back in a tub somewhere...
My favorite tub at my dad's house
I think of that bath with my Italian in Montreal this time last year and how after resisting my pleas for a bath together he not only gave in, he actually enjoyed it. I like baths with my men. I have since the start of my romantic life. It's just my thing.
I think of the times when I was a child and had terrible growing pains that were so horrible I would wake up crying and my mother would draw me a hot bath and put me straight in it. Maybe that's why to this day I still find myself returning to the tub every time I am sad or in pain, lost or sick, and need some comfort and care.
I think of the tub, my wonderful claw footed tub at my dad's house, the one in my bathroom, and how sad I was to have to say goodbye to it when he died over three years ago and we had to sell the house. I actually thought of shipping it out here to Los Angeles and then realized I had no place for it in my rented apartment. That was tough, that loss. That tub saw me though a lot in my life. I am missing it terribly today.
I miss the sound of my father's voice yelling up the stairs asking me if I am out of the tub yet. Too much to miss all at once.
I really do live my life around tubs. My beloved kitty Oola, who I lost less than a year ago, would wait for me to jump out of the tub and then settle in herself on the warm porcelain for a wonderful long nap. And then I have Willow, my smallest delight, who waits for me to get in the tub every day and then jumps up to have a drink of the hot water. I don't put anything in my bath, of course. I must wait for the wee feline to get her tea.
So, I share with you that I am funking today and I am not hiding from it. I am embracing it because I know it makes the brighter days to come more beautiful and more meaningful. I am drinking wine and listening to soothing music and I am about to take a hot bath. It is what I can do for now...
Oola in the tub
Willow in the tub