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Funking

I will admit that I am in a bit of a funk at present. I am officially funking.

It's not one thing, really. It's ten things all at once. It's work and family and friends and life and the deep and tender parts of me that I hide away from the world being re-tweaked and poked at.

When I get to funking I think of the places I've felt safest and happiest and most at peace. Funny how I almost always find myself back in a tub somewhere...

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My favorite tub at my dad's house


I think of that bath with my Italian in Montreal this time last year and how after resisting my pleas for a bath together he not only gave in, he actually enjoyed it. I like baths with my men. I have since the start of my romantic life. It's just my thing.

I think of the times when I was a child and had terrible growing pains that were so horrible I would wake up crying and my mother would draw me a hot bath and put me straight in it. Maybe that's why to this day I still find myself returning to the tub every time I am sad or in pain, lost or sick, and need some comfort and care.

I think of the tub, my wonderful claw footed tub at my dad's house, the one in my bathroom, and how sad I was to have to say goodbye to it when he died over three years ago and we had to sell the house. I actually thought of shipping it out here to Los Angeles and then realized I had no place for it in my rented apartment. That was tough, that loss. That tub saw me though a lot in my life. I am missing it terribly today.

I miss the sound of my father's voice yelling up the stairs asking me if I am out of the tub yet. Too much to miss all at once.

I really do live my life around tubs. My beloved kitty Oola, who I lost less than a year ago, would wait for me to jump out of the tub and then settle in herself on the warm porcelain for a wonderful long nap. And then I have Willow, my smallest delight, who waits for me to get in the tub every day and then jumps up to have a drink of the hot water. I don't put anything in my bath, of course. I must wait for the wee feline to get her tea.

So, I share with you that I am funking today and I am not hiding from it. I am embracing it because I know it makes the brighter days to come more beautiful and more meaningful. I am drinking wine and listening to soothing music and I am about to take a hot bath. It is what I can do for now...


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Oola in the tub


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Willow in the tub

Comments (5)

Maria:

It's okay to share the good AND the bad, the happy AND the sad. If we can't take them both, then we shouldn't count ourselves as those fortunate enough to be in your circle.

And I love those photos! That's a great tub, very enveloping, and more than large enough to take within those clawed feet the good times, the bad, the happy memories and even the sad ones. There they stay, don't they :-)

(I hope this all made sense!)

Thank you for trusting, and for sharing even this part of you. For when we share, we become whole again. Enjoy it tonight, and let it do its job by taking it away.

Kathy:

I had this wonderful conversation with my friend Paula, the fellow yogini and divine woman I met in Antigua. We talked about allowing ourselves the fullness of sadness, and pain, and loss. We agreed that the beauty of sadness is that it allows one a pathway to greater joy down the road. I have gone through considerable loss in my life and I can tell you that sadness has its beauty, oh yes.

Funking can help shake the sense of stuckness that can develop in one's life. It sort of becomes a mirror through which one can see what needs to be unstuck. I am currently trying to unstick myself.

Maria:

Me too :-)

Kathy, I don't know why, but that picture of your precious Oola in the tub made me cry.

Hugs to you.

Thanks for that, Gail. It means a lot to me. :-)

She was a brilliant creature and life isn't the same without her. But oh, how lucky I was to have had her beside me for almost 19 years...

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