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Transformation

We've all heard about those people who wake up one morning and realize that the lives that they have been living no longer feel authentic or organic to them. So, they start taking radical steps to create the lives they have always wanted for themselves. We've all heard that old lovely tale, right?

Well, I am one of those people. My name is Kathy.

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My story goes something like this.

After a series of losses, including a divorce, the loss of my father and then later the loss of my wonderful 18 1/2 year old kitty Oola, I couldn't stop ignoring that voice inside me that kept telling me it was time to step into the flow and stop fighting against it. Or, in simpler terms:
it was time to shake shit up.

So, I took the first step in creating this change and found a yoga teacher training that felt right to me and committed to it. I'd always loved yoga and that little voice inside me kept telling me that I was meant to be a teacher. This meant taking several months out of work and opening myself up to an entirely different way of life. I also chose a studio where I didn't know anyone and just, well, jumped. Hell, who am I kidding: I DOVE. And yes, it was scary. And yes, I never felt more alive in my life as I stood there day after day shaking.

Now, a year and a half later, I can tell you that shaking shit up? All good. Do it. BE BRAVE. Why you ask? Because as scary as it is (and it's freaking scary and like the greatest high ever all at once) when you start peeling away the layers and going deep you might just find the you that you've always pined for. Yes, that person! I am slowly but surely becoming the me that I kind of really love. I kind of really like her too. She's more courageous than I ever was and her growing fearlessness is pretty awe inspiring. She's the me I yearn to be. No wait: she's the me I am actually becoming...

There are painful repercussions to this transformative process as well. For one, you might find that the friends who you thought you could count on and who would support your quest for a more authentic existence are, well, too stuck in their own ruts to be able to embrace your excitement for this path you're on. Your bliss might just piss them off.

I recently called a friend to tell her about my latest trip to Guatemala, my plan to do retreats and my latest yoga challenge and all she could do was ask me when I was working next. It was then I realized I was doing the very thing that utterly terrified her. I was living outside of the proverbial box and it rattled her to her core. Hell, it even produced some anger. There must be order, right? Things have to make perfect sense, no? NO, they don't! This from the chick who has always needed things to make perfect sense!

Have you ever been traveling and on your quest to find something gotten utterly lost and stumbled upon a place you completely fell in love with and had the most wonderful time in the process? Funny how that works. I now get lost as often as possible. I am finding in getting lost I stumble across the most magical things. I hope I learn to get lost more in love on this path of mine as well. I am looking forward to just letting go and seeing where the journey takes me. I've got some work to do (no more chicken shits on ego trips for a start), but I'm open to the process.

My father spent his entire adult life committed to one path and he loved it. He was one of those rare birds who got paid to do the very thing he loved the most and it really turned him on. He was a scientist until the end. An utterly brilliant one at that. And you know what? He'd be the first person cheering me on right about now. He'd be excited that I am discovering things that light me up from within and make me all shiny and bright. He always did tell me that I was the sparkly type. Do what you love, he'd say.

I love to travel, I love to write and I love to teach. I'm trying to find a way to bring them all together.

I'm on my way, pops...

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Comments (8)

Judy:

Kathy,

what a lovely post!

As you know, I adore change....

I am sure our paths will cross to as we follow our hearts.

Make yourself happy!

Kathy Bray:

Ah Judy,

My dear sister goddess and partner in letting go...

You get it because you-are-doing-it. It's one of the reasons I adore you. You're a take no prisoners kind of chick. The best kind of chick in my book!

I see margaritas in Mexico in our future. ;-)

Kim:

Kathy, the same thing happens when you lose weight with friends; some support you, some grow uncomfortable. You filled a role in the structure, and when you changed, the structure changed. It makes people uneasy. Just keep chugging along - at least you'll find out who you can really count on.

Kathy Bray:

Kim, I can see that the same would apply to your situation. You look so beautiful and so happy these days and you clearly are very in your skin. I imagine that this rattles a few people around you and even creates a bit of a threat to them. And yes, I am learning who I can really count on indeed..

Keep up the good work and continue to shine!

Kathy I loved that post. I am so happy that you are happy. I am still struggling with change but am working on it every day. Your post was such an inspiration.

nancyhol:

Like the others, Kathy, I LOVED this post! I think it was my favorite of the posts you have written!

You are so positive - I wish everyone could be like that.

"I was living outside of the proverbial box"

What a great post! Very inspiring. :)

Kathy Bray:

Nancy, I will never stop being a persnickety kind of chick (too much fun!), but I do try and focus on the positive these days. I embrace my inner bitch whilst embracing my inner good witch as well!

Leslie, and isn't so much more fun living outside that proverbial box? All the good and wonderfully wicked things take place there...

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